Guess it’s time to start writing again

I am a little bummed today.

First I get chastised for being to needy, then for not being needy enough! I swear I just can’t win!

I had a friend write me a long email about how she broke my trust/ confidence with a mutual acquaintance. It’s nothing I haven’t said to the person. I learned a long time ago, never to say anything behind anyone’s back that you weren’t willing to say to their face. Then she goes on to tell me that she is tired of being the one to make the plans and that when we do hang out it is only to talk about my problems and that I didn’t want to learn anything about her. Now I write about this because, if she feels it then maybe others feel the same way and I don’t want to be going to them with more of my problems.

So to get my side of the story, this school year, has been one of the worst on the record books. So of course it weighs heavily on my mind and consumes most of my thoughts. Next, I don’t have the money to be flitting around NYC on a whim, so I find if I stay closer to home, I don’t spend as much. Also, I am one of those that will go do anything you want. Not to mention, when you get the I’m really busy all the time in conversations, it makes one feel that they are encroaching on others time and you want to give them space. I guess time slips by faster than one realizes. About, talking about myself… it is hard when you ask someone how things are and they respond good and that is it. Then when they want an update about how you are, you tell them, then it becomes all about you. AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

I am not saying that anything she is saying doesn’t have some merit. I know I could be a little more proactive about making plans. I know that I have been talking a lot about work and stupid boys (she and one other person is all I share with and frankly I need to stop because it gets me nowhere anyway, in fact, I think I have been doing a very good job about not talking about boys). Now that work has settled down, I can focus on other things and probably should have been before.

Another friend said it best… everybody has their own definition of what friendship is…

Time for reflecting and making some changes. I am glad she was honest with me, hopefully with a little effort we can work things out! If not, I know to be mindful of my misgivings in the future. It’s all a learning experience, eh!

 Just found out I was deleted from her facebook page…