to you.

i really think sometimes that i just look for something wrong in our relationship, even when there is nothing, to pick at to try to persuade myself im better off alone, just so that i wont get hurt like i did the last time. but i know im not better off alone. you treat me like a princess, which is why i nitpick at the littlest things. im scared. yes, im still scared after being with you a year and being out of that other relationship for a year and a half. im sorry. it just still hurts sometimes and im still scared. i dont want to be hurt again, and as time goes by i get more comfortable with you and i become happier and let myself relax more and more, but once again, he hurt me after 3 1/2 years. we’ve been together for a year and two months. thats a third of the time. i dont want to think negative but sometimes i cant help it as bad as i want to. i wish i could push these thoughts out of my head. i wish i didnt have to think about shit. i want to just be with you and be happy. but. its hard. we’re apart so much. we fight constantly because we’re apart. two weeks ago you said you didnt know if you loved me. i know you do. but that really stung. that caused me insane amounts of misery. its still hard at sometimes to hear it, if i ever think about that fight i become scared and alone. i dont know what to do. i feel like all i do is bother you and i know you always tell me no but im an ass and treat you like shit. im sorry i crack jokes but you crack jokes back, you always have. thats what we do. and the little smacks dont mean to hurt. im sorry if they do. but its not like i really can hurt you if i tried. you cant hang out with me when i hang out with a girl. i get too catty and like girly and you apparently cant take that side of me. im pretty sure that i wouldnt be able to take you in your ultimate man-ness. we talk about things and joke about things that if like it has a guys perspective on it is completely fucked up. im sorry. i hate making you upset. i hate being fucked up. i had the time of my life at the party tonight. it was incredible. as is most of my time with you. i just need your kisses. i need them. they make me know that everything is all right. that we do belong together. that its not just me being crazy loving you that you love me too. they keep me sane. they make me ecstatic, like im floating on air and nothing can bring me down. your kisses are my oxygen. i love you. i need you. sos mi vida, sos mi todo. sos mi esposo. no quiero y no puedo estar sin te. quiero estar con tigo siempre. te necessito. te amo.