I’m alive!

I have been feeling rather distant and uninterested lately. Well, I’m not sure if those are exactly the right words. I guess I’ve just been feeling like I’ve been lacking creativity as of late… inspiration to create things, the use of my imagination. I get pretty worn out when my attention is focused too much on day to day matters I guess–working, eating, sleeping, and whatever else. I’ve also been feeling like there has been some lull in my personal development, and I’m looking forward to picking up and moving again (though I’m not sure exactly where yet) within the next 6 months. I’ve had enough of a "break" and would really like to be doing something meaningful again… maybe another AmeriCorps program in preparation for grad school (if I can figure out what I want to go for).

Anyway.

One of the most annoying things in my daily emotional life: being in a grand ol’ mood, and then one little thing happens and BAM, bad mood city! It’s most annoying when the "thing" that happened isn’t even really that substantial–not being able to answer someone’s question at work, for instance–but still turns me into a sourpuss none the less (nonetheless? none-the-less?). I’ll attribute this occurence today to my special monthly womanly gift, my prize for not having a bun in the oven.

The thing I’ve been doing most lately is working. I’m liking the changes in my park job that come with the changing season (it’s basically just warmer out so there are more visitors to the park, and I also take the turtles out into the sunshine when the weather’s nice and I have some down time). I also really enjoy working in the produce department at the co-op (the produce is usually very pretty and smells nice), despite the fact that the co-op is a real rumor mill and you never know what kind of weirdos will come in. So, I’m pretty happy with my 2 jobs overall, but still have this nagging and decidedly unreasonable fear that I’ll get fired and will have to suffer through another long and arduous job search. I don’t think there is any danger of me losing either of my jobs, but there is definitely a lack of jobs and the thought of trying to find a new one makes me want to crap my pants.

 Speaking of finding new jobs, I did mention that I want to move soonish. I think I’d like to do another AmeriCorps program, and have spent a good deal of time recently researching and applying to new programs all over the country. We’ll see how that turns out. I’m supposed to be setting up an interview with some program in Maryland, but a time hasn’t been finalized yet.

Things with the boyfriend are going very well, though I don’t really want to talk about it here. Our personalities compliment each other well and we have a good time together, so I guess that’s what’s important. My birthday’s coming up on Monday and I know he has some stuff planned… I’m looking forward to the expensive dinner, and wonder what delicious morsels I’ll get to shove inside my face!

I’m at work right now though so should probably stop staring at this computer screen. I have to rest up so I can find the energy to do some laundry tonight.