Crush woes, etc.

::sigh::
Nothing worse than a crush that feels pointless. YES MY FRIENDS I have a crush on a dude I work with. It’s kindof depressing because I don’t think it would ever go anywhere though, and he’s probably out of my league and has no interest in me whatsoever. He is really energetic and athletic and outgoing, but still manages to be endlessly nice and awkward sometimes.I feel insecure, but I guess that’s why it’s called a crush. ::sigh again:: I feel like I’m being more realistic than pessimistic here.

Anyway… my school planting was today. It was only 2 trees, but it was my first project that I actually coordinated from start to finish. I took Carie with me and we were both in charge of 1 tree and 7 kids. Meghan went too to take pictures and entertain the children (Carie and I both don’t really like children and aren’t particularly fond of entertaining them, so it was pretty silly for us to go). It went well though; the kids who volunteered were 4th and 5th graders, and part of a leadership group at the school. This basically means they were very well behaved and excited to be helping out. I know there are pictures floating around somewhere, but I think I’ll have to hijack them off of the server at work.

What else.. my team had a group mediation today. Lame. Well, it’s kindof complicated and I don’t feel like telling the whole story right now. Plus it’s not that interesting if you don’t work with me.

Sometimes I wish my personality were a bit different. Well, I basically wish I didn’t feel so damn awkward sometimes. It seems endless no matter how long I have known someone, and I spend too much energy worrying about what other people think. I wish there was a magic spell I could use or a magic elixir I could drink to alleviate this stress, but I know of no quick-fix solutions yet. Crummy moods are ..crummy.

My brain’s pretty tired of wanting to hang onto things with Paul. I see on a daily basis that are lives are drifting apart, and each day it seems to get easier for us to not talk to one another. I’m tired of wanting to talk to him when he seems to easily brush me aside when more interesting things arise. Maybe I’m not being fair to him but this is the way I see it. I think my brain is getting used to the idea of being apart from him, so now I spend too much energy trying to find someone new. Usually there would be someone else waiting in the wings for me to latch onto (relationship wise, mind you. I jump from relationship to relationship as opposed to one night stands) and now there isn’t. This is kindof strange and lonely, but is probably also really good for me. Does this make sense? I almost have an addiction to being in relationships and breaking that is proving to be somewhat difficult.

I don’t know what else to say about this stuff, I just wanted to get it out before I try to sleep tonight. Everything would be pretty awesome if I could just turn off my pesky emotions.