I’m so chic

I have been in quite a terrible mood lately. This seems to be something I’ve been saying a lot lately. Is it PMS? Or something else with a convenient label? Anyway, I’m just cranky as hell. I haven’t really felt social at work, not to mention after work! I’ve just been hanging out by/with myself a lot lately, and haven’t been a very engaging conversationalist. I don’t try as much as worry about it, and about how other people are interpreting my actions. ::sigh:: Emotions are silly and complicated. I was a little social this weekend though, so I’ll just talk about that.

Yesterday at work was pretty laid back. We did do pruning at 3 schools, but there weren’t many trees at any of the schools (8-23 or so) so the day really flew by. We were easily finished by noon, so we went back to the office and Karoline and I spent the afternoon looking for people to invite to next Saturday’s Trees For All demonstration (have I explained this process before? I can’t remember). I was kind of frustrated at work yesterday because a lot of the Americorps members were just goofing around in the afternoon, sitting on couches, laughing and playing music. This is all good and fun but we were at work, and having people goof off is just unproductive and makes all of us Americorps members look bad. If you’re logging in these service hours you might as well be doing something so you don’t look like a real ass when the OCF staff members see you. I don’t want to be a party pooper or a stickler about these things… well, maybe I do. It’s frustrating!

Anyway, Saturday after work I went to Santa Cruz to stay the night at Carie’s house with Carie, Bo, Renae and Karoline. Carie lives with her grandmother in the mountains in what looks like a mystical village. They are all cabins that were renovated into houses, completely apart from the city with hundreds of huge redwoods blocking out the sky. It was so pretty! We relaxed and watched some tv shows, had a few drinks, ate really awesome lentil stew and watched Evil Dead. I had never seen it before and it was SO CHEESY. I do have to admit though that it frightened me a little. We all ended up going to sleep around 11pm (lame I know, but I blame it on our work schedules).

Karoline had to leave for work in the morning but Renae, Bo, Carie and I went bike riding on a trail that ran along a cliff by the ocean (long sentence!). We stopped at a lighthouse and watched some surfers, and we saw lots of cute dogs on the trail too! It was really pretty out, no clouds anywhere and at least 70 degrees. I’m still not used to seeing the ocean so it was really cool. We rode downtown then, stopping at a completely vegetarian cafe. I had a chicken parmesan (sort of) sandwich and it was SO good. It’s crazy the variety of foods that can be made vegetarian.. they even managed to make tuna salad out of tofu.

We rode our bikes back and I drove back to San Jose. I was alone in the house from 3-8pm or so, and I really started scaring myself by thinking about zombies and other realistic things. It’s hard to really be scared of those things though while I was busy eating spaghetti and watching reruns of reality TV shows. Everything was cool though until it started getting dark… then I imagined all sorts of evil shit from Evil Dead coming to kill me. ::sigh:: I survived though.

Oh, I finally submitted my Peace Corps application today. I feel a bit defeated though because they want me to provide detailed information about how I’d get all of my expenses covered if I go overseas. I know that one of my loans is only deferrable for a short amount of time, and I’m not sure if there is a limit for deferment on my federal loans. I’m not sure exactly how much of my car I would have left to pay off by then, and other regular expenses like that. I guess I should try to figure all of this stuff out, though I’m not sure exactly how. We’ll see if it’s something I want to pursue.

Ian texted me the other day, telling me he still wanted to know why things didn’t work out (but that we could save that crappy conversation for another day). What the hell would I even say? And why should I have to say it? Maybe I could just tell him that he’s unattractive and has terrible body odor? Harsh I know, and I would never say it, though both of these things are true. ::sigh:: It’s just ridiculous and I am completely over it. Bo (my supervisor) knows I am not comfortable working alone with him, so there’s that. Why can’t he get the damn hint? Hell, it’s not even a hint! I’ve TOLD him I’m not interested, and it’s getting to the point where I’m really not interested in being his friend either. Ugh!

Okay playaz, I can’t think of anything else to type right now. I think I’ll go browse the Americorps website to see if there are any new programs available for next year.