I broke up with him

Yup.It’s over.

I don’t even know what I feel. See, today he stopped by, and we were just talking and what not. Long story short, I told him that I really didn’t like the fact that I barely ever see him, and only hear from him every few days. It sucks because he just straight up asked me “Do you want to be with me, or not?” And it sucked because some part of me does want to be with him, but I think thats the part thats only trying to hold on to the past when I would just let everything be OK and not worry about myself.. Then I just sat there for a little while, thinking and thinking.. and he didn’t help things because he said if we did break up, it would be hard for him because he really does love me. So then I started to feel bad.. but then I thought about how people have told me that it will hurt either way, so i should get it over with sooner instead of later.

Sooo..

I also started thinking about how unhappy I was in that relationship, being at his ‘beck and call’ and having to wait around for him all the time. But still, I could never get up the nerve to break up with him.

Then finally he tells me, “Well, I’ll have to give you a time limit (to decide).We can talk tomorrow.” But then I just told him I didnt want to wait.. and since he had things to do (he had to go off to eat before he went to work) I told him that we would just break up. So then he asked if we were broken up.. and I said I guess. And then he left. And I told my mom about it, and talked to her for a few minutes..

Then I felt the immediate urge to go outside and get out of the house.. so thats what I did. I walked to the library and conveniently read this book about relationships (the section about them ending, anyway) Then I got back to the house and my mom told me that Eric had called after I left. So, he had wanted to talk to me, but I wasnt here to talk to him.

What did he want? I dont know, and I dont currently care to guess. But now he’s working, and Im all confused and stuff.I havent cried yet. I dont know if I will. I should though, as part of the natural grieving process.

Ahh.. stupid relationships. Im not even gonna get into the good things about our relationship, because it will only make me feel bad. So now I feel that it is time for this entry to come to an end.