Hello Wednesday! It’s nice and early

*sigh* Im bored. Not much going on. It’s almost 130 in the morning and Im not sleeping (obviously) Eric called me not too long ago.. I been feeling wierd about him.. I mean, hes still cool as hell and I love being with him but for some reason Im just suspicious. I dont know of what.. but I tell myself its just my imagination, because Im a paranoid person anyway and have problems trusting people.. but if I keep feeling suspicious than Ill go with my intuition, but for right now everythings OK. I just cant help falling for him again when I hear his cute accent and the way he laughs when I talk to him on the phone.. its soo damn adorable. But I guess Im just a fool for things like that. As long as he’s good to me, thats all that matters.

So anyway, Ive been bored.. the only person Ive seen this week is Nelly.. well, besides Eric. I tried calling Autumn sometime, I dont remember when, but they said she wasn’t home.. and since then, Ive figured that she’s been busy with work and school, so I havent really tried back.

*sigh*

I havent talked to Tanya since Saturday.. I spent the night at her grandmas house in ft wayne on Friday. That was definitely an interesting experience. Today I had to go get applications from a bunch of different places, so I could find a job.. today in the car, mom jumped on my back right away, asking me how long shes been asking me to get a job, and how she has been irritated with me and how Im lazy and need to grow up. That sounded like something Roger would say. It doesnt affect me too much when Roger says stuff like that, putting me down and stuff, because hes just an asshole, but it hurt when my mom said it. Then she apologized, saying that it was Roger who was getting on her nerves and she shouldnt be taking it out on me. Well, I dont care. I dont need her putting stuff on me like that, and Im still hurt by it. Its just hard when someone who is supposed to support me just bad mouths me like that, like Im nothing.. saying I need to grow up, especially, like I dont know what the hell Im doing, and like I havent been TRYING to get a job. I mean damn, I guess nothing I can ever do will be good enough. Trying, that is. And Roger never keeps his damn mouth shut either. It just makes me feel like effort isnt worth it. But oh well, Im just trying to stay happy with myself. But on to another subject..

Its just past 130am now.. Im a little tired but I dont really feel like going to sleep. Then on the phone Eric tells me that he’ll be off work in a couple hours, telling me how tired he is, and blah blah. I saw him today, and he was acting really feisty. He kept pinching me and stuff, till finally I had to slap him. Its all good, though. I got his basketball.. thats basically a prized posession for me, since our whole relationship and our meeting revolved around that basketball. Plus, I just like to play basketball.. so its good to have it, even though that sounds dumb, but I guess some people just cant understand!

Oh yeah, I drove to Garrett today. Doesnt sound very exciting, probably, but it was for me because it was only my 3rd time driving. I didnt hit any cars or anything! But my mom says I almost hit a fat guy on some electric wheelchair. But oh well, hes ok, still chugging down the street, or something. ..

Me and Chewwie got in a big fight yesterday.. shes the only cat I know who likes to fight with words.. I swear, she started it, because I was petting her, and then I went to take my hand away and she swung at me, WITH HER CLAWS OUT.So it was her fault. So I started picking on her, and the poor thing was yelling at me.. I swear, it was so wierd. Ive never heard a cat fight with words. But I’d go towards her, and shed meow really loud, and Id keep going, and shed keep yelling at me. Then finally she just pounced at my leg (I was wearing shorts) and she gave me some scratches.. I was bleeding and everything, but its ok now. We’re friends again. =D

I don’t know what to do about Eric! I’m confused. It’s more like, I dont know how to stabilize my feelings. I mean, he’s a really great guy..hes really cute, and funny, and pretty much a lot of what I could ask for. But for some reason, sometimes I just feel wierd. I dont know whats up with it, because he doesnt really do anything to me.. its just some wierd feeling I get. 98% of the time, though, things are great. I never thought I could find somebody like HIM (my friends know..) who could actually be so nice and so good to me.. I guess I should just go with the flow and stop worrying.. a little.

I think this entry is pretty long, so I should probably go! It’s closer to 2 now.. Ill write later, I guess. CYAZ!