Ahh, Im going crazy! Help me!

I know, its been a long time since Ive written. But its not like this diary is a big fan favorite anyway.

So, Ive been feeling crappy lately. I dont know why I feel like I have to have a guy to be happy. I just seem to depend on it so much. It makes me mad. I try to be strong, but I just end up feeling bad about myself if Im not getting attention from guys, or something. Why is that? I keep telling myself that I should be secure enough to the point where I dont need a guy, but it never seems to work. I also dont like the fact that I wait around for guys, when im supposed to see them or something, and I worry about it so much.. Sure, the logical thing would be for me to just leave guys alone all together, and not to think or worry about it, but I just cant seem to do that. I just want to get to the point where I dont spend so much time feeling like crap. I dont even know what to say.. I just wish that I could be happy with myself. I wish I could see all that there is to life. And damn, I sounds like some wussy pitiful person.. but Im usually not like this.. does anybody out there know how I feel, and how hopeless it all seems? I know, the whole problem seems petty, but I worry about it a lot. I guess thats why Im writing in here.

Crap. My computer keeps messing up, so I should go. Im off to some more feeling-crappy-ness. CYAZ!