whimpers

Well.. hmm.. yeah. I feel bleh.. I read Marcus’ “last” diary entry, and it makes me feel bad.. because he brought up the fact that we have drifted so far apart, and I guess he doesnt think that we’re really friends anymore.. I guess I could kinda see it, but I didnt want to think of things in that way. Because Ive always been able to talk to Marcus a lot, and I felt like I could trust him with a lot.. but now, since a lot of stuff has been going on, i guess its put a strain on our friendship.. gah.. I mean, it just feels really bad.. this summer, I had a really nice time with him, and I didnt want to believe that something would change our friendship in any way.. but I guess it has. Because now i dont feel comftorable talking with him about certain things, like Simon, because I dont want to hurt his feelings or make him feel wierd. I kinda wish I was back at the stage when I was ignorant and didnt know anything.. so that I could talk to him all the time and not worry about stuff like this.. hell, i dont even really talk to him anymore.. and now that I think of it it just makes me really sad.. I told him things I wouldnt tell anyone, and now I feel like I have pushed him away because of my own stupid actions.. I just feel really worthless.. I mean, I would have to be to push away someone who meant so much to me, and was such a nice guy.. Well, i guess I cant go on writing forever..

CYAZ

ratsushi

December 5, 2001

Well, you know.. I know you two used to be very close, more than a friendship, and it’s hard to go back to a plain friendship from that. When you get close to someone, you have to accept there’s no way back, without someone’s feelings being hurt. Sometimes things just don’t work out, but at least you can say it was worth the try. =) -Toke-

Also, I’m really sorry to hear about Simon.. I mean, sure it had to end sooner or later, when it’s time for him to go home and all (unless you would want to have a long distance relationship.. only for the tough!) 😛 But this is pretty damn soon! Also some pretty lame reasons he gave to do it, but.. he’s young and inexperienced, it’s as least as hard on him as on you. —>

—> And you know, he’s got a lot of pressure on him, from his crappy host family, the fact that he’s an exchange student and all.. maybe it seems like a strange decision from him, but you know there’s no right or wrong in these kinds of things. All I can advice you to do is talk to him, and try to understand, and not be angry. You knew it would end, so try and make it end in a good way.–>

—> Best of luck, and cheer up! <:) -Toke-