Seven/Sixteen #2

I was sitting here, and became increasingly bored. I’m listening to Dave Matthews right now, and this song makes me think of everything, for some reason, its “The Space Between”.. “The space between the tears we cry, as the laughter keeps us coming back for more, the space between the wicked lies we tell and hope to keep safe from the pain”.. Well, thats part of the song. I have always listened to music, it eases my pain and everything, and I always relate it to my life.

*Anyway* I went bowling w/ Marcus & Kenny today. I did so good, in fact I think I intimidated them with my skills =) Actually, I lost every game. *sigh*

“Why do I run after you like I do I love you” Sorry, more Dave Matthews!

I should probably put something deep and meaningful in here. But thats the problem with having a public diary, whoever I write about could read it! Its ok though, I will just wait until I am out of their reach.. =p I think Renee is mad at me, because of that thing with Marcus(?) Well, either that or she hasnt felt like getting online or writing me. I dont think shes very mad at me.. shes not that kind of person. Im just a very paranoid person, and Im scared that everyone is always mad at me if I say something or do something and I just dwell on it like a pantywaste. I know I write in this thing a lot, even when I dont really have anything important to say, as I can tell you are probably bored out of your mind right now.If that is true, then delete this stupid website RIGHT now.

OK then.. You know what I realize? I get my hopes up way too much, and I try to get things I can’t have. But sometimes when I try to get things I can’t have, i DO get them, and I guess this is what keeps me coming back for more. There have been some guys who i thought would NEVER like me, and who would never give me a second glance, that I actually dated. Even though some of the relationships werent very long, but thats not the point! So now I think of it as nothing is out of my grasp. When I was 15 I dated a 19 yr old college guy.. I dont know who was making the worse decision, but thats not the point! I have the memories =) Anyway, I guess in a wierd way I am saying you can do anything you put your mind to!Or, you can relate it as anything you want. I think I am going to stop writing so frequently! What the hell, its my diary and I can write as much as I damn well please, and if you dont like it? The thought isnt crossing my mind! Well, I havent talked to Brent lately. I talked to him for like 10 mins on Friday.. he said he mailed me last monday, but its been a week so he must’ve written the wrong adress. Thats ok tho, Im trying very hard to move on with my life, but it’s so hard when that opportunity is there to return to something so familiar and comfftorable.. Have to stop thinking about that!When I go back to Indiana I will have to face him, and deal with that all over again. I am kindof dreading it. I wish I could make a connection with someone to get my mind off of it.. I dont care how shallow or messed up or cruel that sounds.. I just wanna be carefree.And I am waiting with dwindling patience for that day. Well anyway I guess I have written enough for now, and I guess I should be going. Cyaz!