the coming of cancer

My grandfather died on Friday August 31st 2007 at 7:00 pm. We did not make it in time to say goodbye. we live ten hours away and we had three hours left to go when we got the call. he died at home just as he wanted with most of his family around him, but not us. we were still racing the golden orange moon on the clearest night I have ever seen. It was such a beautiful night with no clouds to obscure the stars. It was a terrible night. They took away his body before we got there even though my grandmother begged for them to let him stay for just awhile longer. when we got there around eleven o’ clock there were people in the yard taking away my grandfathers hospital equipment and bed. They did not even wait till the next day. They threw away all his morphine patches and ran the pills down the garbage disposale, without a thought of the widow. it was unreal.

My grandfather wanted to be cremated, there fore they do not embalm the body. For this I am glad. The day after his death we were able to go and see his body at the funeral home. he was shrouded in a white sheet, laying on a hospital display table. He was so small. his hair was white and swept back in a halo around his head. his eyes were sunken in and he looked so old and alone. it was as if he had fallen asleep and never woke up. but i know that wasn’t how it had happened.

Later that day my uncle whom has never said more than ten words to me at a time stood there by me and told me how my grandfather had lived and died on his own terms. My uncle had seen both his mother and father die and my grandfather had been very important to him.

it was very sureal. I did not feel like crying. I felt like it did not fit the situation. i did not want to be comforted. i just wanted to feel peaceful and content with this new end. what would they think of me if they knew how i feel?

Steeleye Span – The Prickly Bush

oh the prickly bush, it pricks my heart full sore
and if ever i’m out of the prickly bush
i’ll never get in it any more.

hangman, oh hangman, hold your rope awhile
i think i see my father over yonder stile.
father did you bring me gold or have you brought any fee
for to save my body from the cold, clay ground
and my neck from the gallows tree?

no i didn’t bring you gold nor have i brought any fee
but i have come to see you hung upon the gallows tree.

hangman, oh hangman, hold your rope a while
i think i see my brother over yonder stile.
brother did you bring me gold or have you brought any fee
for to save my body from the cold, clay ground
and my neck from the gallows tree?

no i didn’t bring you gold nor have i brought any fee
but i have come to see you hung upon the gallows tree.

oh the prickly bush, it pricks my heart full sore
and if ever i’m out of the prickly bush
i’ll never get in it any more.
oh the prickly bush, it pricks my heart full sore
and if ever i’m out of the prickly bush
i’ll never get in it any more.

hangman, oh hangman, hold your rope a while
i think i see my sister coming over yonder stile.
sister did you bring me gold or have you brought any fee
for to save my body from the cold, clay ground
and my neck from the gallows tree?

no i didn’t bring you gold nor have i brought any fee
but i have come to see you hung upon the gallows tree.

hangman, oh hangman, hold your rope a while
i think i see my lover over yonder stile.
lover did you bring me gold or have you brought any fee
for to save my body from the cold, clay ground
and my neck from the gallows tree?

yes i have brought you gold, yes i brought you the fee
and i’ve not come to see you hung upon the gallows tree.

Is anyone reading this anymore?