Random randomness two-oh-nine

I’m feeling ignored, and yet I don’t want attention…  not from my wife, anyway.  I could use some attention from a cute 30- or 40-something woman who finds me interesting…  now THAT would be great.  I miss having someone to talk with about "stuff" like I did with the woman who I had the affair with.  She was far enough removed from the situation to offer suggestions, and she didn’t try to turn things around and use my words against me.

I know better than to say anything about it to my wife this time around.  There’s no need to raise suspicions that I’m having another affair.  I am NOT.  I think about it once in a while – but not seriously enough to alarm anyone.  Actually, I’d have meaningless one-night-stand, go-at-it-for-hours type sex with a hot woman if she promised not to tell my wife about it and promised not to stalk me for more aftewards.  LMAO  Yeah, right.  I know that that’ll never happen, so yeah…  she’s safe…  I’m not gettin’ any attention on the side

I have no desire to work on things in my marriage.  My wife is the one who has to change to make things better.  I’m done making changes and concessions to try to better things.  I’ll just enjoy having a roommate.

Sometimes, the psychological barriers are too much to overcome.  I told my wife that I loved the other woman after admitting to an emotional connection & affair.  She’ll never forget that.  I told my wife that I didn’t like how her body looked and that I didn’t want to have sex anymore because she didn’t turn me on.  She’ll never forget those things either.  I’ve pretty much destroyed any chances of having a good marriage with all of my negative comments.  It’s either stay married and deal with the status quo or spend tons of money on lawyers to get a divorce and start over.  Hmmm.  I like seeing my kids every day, and having 2 paychecks to buy lots of cool stuff is a great plus too.  Married + status quo it is!

Crap, this is depressing.  Why the F*** am I writing tonight??