01/27/2012

What did i learn? Perhaps, do not speak my mind as often as i normally would?

Here is sit, awake at 2 am from one of my infamous vivid dreams. Though often post apocolyptic, this one was not…. tastes and tinges around the edges cry of otherworldliness.

Here we go- never to return unscathed.

Can this be portentious?

I am ordering a dbl short americano- what i normally order to test if a coffee place is good. There may be a bearded boy who noticed me, i may have flirted with him. Its hazy. I stand at the counter, unimpressed with the way they make coffee. This especially because i have close friends who prode themselves in coffe skillz, and are indeed, very good.

A woman is standing behind the counter, making my coffee and chatting with someone she works with. She is snobby and obviously does not care whether this is a quality drink. I may have politely mentioned something about my drink…..needing changed, dont know. She goes off on my, i cant remember hte specifics. I look at her and say, "you know, you are very annoying." i continue a little bit about how she comes off ad high and mighty, reminding me of Portland hipsters that know it all. Instantly i regret it, because i am a good person who does not say hurtful things on person (though i am a person who speaks her mind). I am shame faced and upset that i treated someone so badly. The woman is pissed, as is her boy/friend, this steam punk-circusy type guy. I can tell the guy who likes me is upset, maybe more for reasons that involve him needing to stick with his friends. A sheep, basically

I leave and i want to appologize. I find these steampunk people sitting on a lawn, or all together on the ground outside. I let them know (for some reason i cant tell if the woman i offended was in the crowd) what was going on in my head to cause such a reaction and i also logically say what it was the woman did that was rude, and i ask for forgiveness. The boy/friend stands and asks "rebel or join" (or some such) and most people yell "rebel!" I do not know what is going on, but i get a sense that while in the coffee shop i should not have sat passively while this woman berates me, i should have rebelled (this isweird part).

Everyone stand and i join them? I am running with this wild crowd, following in an adventure that requires me to run through very active road construction, hop over moving equipment. I feel as if it might have been an initiation ritual or something. This is where my dreambreain gets hazy. I follow. Someone pulls me up on this big oily machine.

Then nothing. I wake in my dreamhouse. I can barely think. No one else is there. I am confused and everything is spinning. I panic and do not know what happened.  I step outside and my friend Emily is there. She shushes me and urges me to hide under the porch. People had been looking for me. Seriously, as if i had been missing. Em is on the phone saying she had not seen me. Crowds of people stand around the porch while i hide,

At this point i am going to take a break to save this, in case my computer dies. I am not with cord right now.

Ok, i am back. You never even noticed i was gone.

So, all these people are standing around, meeting about the search. Eventually one sees me under the porch, It is ominous, Like she is leering and i should not have been found.

Everything is black again.

Flashes. A doctor. Asks about past drug use. I tell him about my bad experiences with hallucinogens. He asks about cocaine, and i say no. Not even to stay awake and finish a task, or get a good grade, I laugh at him and wittily retort that i do not need drugs to get good grades.

A psychologist.

Hiding,

Wondering.

LEarning about a missing part of my life that i cannot remember. What did these people do to me?

I learn that they fed me a lot of drugs, but there were unintended consequences.

He is sitting, dejectedly, on the curb and turns slowly as i, along with the whole bus call his name. Sees me, opens up, temtatively. Joins me on the bus. This is where i get filled in on the details.

They made me take a mix of hallucinogens, mean fun on their parts. what they did not know was my catatonic reaction to them. They panic and leave me. Home? Unknown. Then, they come back? Or, at least, a few of their group do weird thigns and keep feeding me a cocktail of drugs.