reality

I think of you –

how I let courage guide

shadows,

how my past made me

believe

and yours

kept a heart close

to the chest

but still I extend myself

in the hope

you will see what is

in front of you,

offered

like the silver lining

inside

those dark gray clouds –

me,

wanting and ready,

without strings

but willing

to put

effort into the way

we could breath

together

and tonight I find

myself

hugging pillows closer

to my chest

as if I could cradle

your warmth

<span style=

“font-size: x-small”>rock you into believing

my love is real

If there is one thing I believe in, it is love. I believe in my ability to love and be loved, the acceptance of who I am exactly as I am. This man that I have spoken of, this one that has touched my heart by simply being himself – he is special to me, he will always be special to me. I truly believe he loves me but I am not always sure that he will be able to overcome his past. Am I waiting for him, no I am simply being but when I give pieces of me, I give them. I don’t expect it back. I’ve always been taught that love is a gift, whether it is returned or not and I believe that.

So I heard from him this morning, just a simple text with his nickname for me and it warms me, sometimes that is really all it takes.

I am a simple person, more a homebody than a go out and party one and we all come with our own set of baggage, mine is no different than anyone elses but I am the giver, the believer in heart and love and sometimes I really do believe that is enough. I don’t need the expensive things, I don’t need nights out I just need to love and be loved. Not everyone is capable of love, I truly believe that. Some days I feel as if it will never happen, but then again patience has never been my real forte. I believe in this man, we’ll see if my belief and love in him is enough – and if its not, I will have the memories of the times together. Of the words said and felt.

And since its late morning now, it really is time to get up and moving. Today is my day off and I have a ton of stuff to do before work tomorrow…isn’t that always the way of it?

Iron that I’m almost completely the opposite. The only thing I don’t have 100% faith in is Love. I’ve read and learned so much in life, and I have complete faith in God and our divine power, the magic I create, dreams and miracles. In a real way, I know that’s God’s love, or my own, for mySelf. But I had quite a childhood, one very lacking in Love, and that emptiness bled into my later years.

I had a healthy relationship with a high school sweet heart, but it turned sour in time because I wasn’t emotionally healthy. I didn’t even know what that meant or felt like. The relationships after that were mostly broken, or at least very destructive. I had no faith in family. I had no direct examples to learn from, just books. So I was taught love through reading about it.

The Love I had for others was more desperation or lust, a desire to fill holes I needed to fix on my own. I finally found Love, last year, and messed it up, long story but someday I’ll explain. I have faith that I love this woman. That’s all I know. I think she loves me. I know she almost did. I feel that if I do everything right, along my path, we’ll connect again.

She’s the brightest star in all my skies, daytime or night. *Ironic. From the first note.