I’m afraid…

that I have absolutely nothing witty to say tonight, so you can go back to whatever you were doing before you started to read this 😉

Just finished watching "Conversation(s) with Other Women." Entertaining and thought-provoking, if you can stand to watch 84 minutes of split screen.  Anyway, it brings up the "what ifs" that run across a person’s brain when they meet up (intentionally or not) with an old lover. That was way too appropriate (material-wise) for a blog entry, and I really just couldn’t take a pass on it and go to bed.

I don’t really wonder about my exes too often anymore. My brain finds it more entertaining to explore the daydreams of the unknown, so I play what-if games that involve men I never have (and/or never will) had the chance to sleep with. Movie stars, guys who are really just friends, guys who never noticed I exist, etc. All of them haunt my daydreams. "What if I hadn’t met John, and I had just been left to wonder about the world until I met *this* amazing piece of ass?" 

That’s exactly what runs through my head when I’m talking to a hot guy (or a guy my brain decides is hot, regardless of appearance). I’m not sure if it’s normal female behavior, but it’s normal for me. I wonder if it’s not my brain (my body?) rebelling against the idea of decades of marriage to the same man. Decades of sleeping just with him. "Decades" is a really scary word. It’s much more convenient to dream up that I never committed to anything at all (and very easy to do from the safety of a committed relationship, ironic, yes?). 

I’m not really showing you my best face, but then, I don’t think you’ve *ever* seen it on this blog. I’ve been whiny, bitchy, belligerent, crazy, and brutally honest on here, but I’ve never really presented my best side to you.

honestly, acting like a goody-two-shoes on a blog is just dull. why write at all? far more fun to be controversial. plus, it would be a useless sounding board if I held everything in in order to save face.

goodnight.