I *really* don’t want to go back tomorrow

So, yeah, I go back to work in ten hours. Yay me. Poop.

I wonder what my chances of telecommuting are? Since I’m a retail manager probably pretty slim.

Watching a thing on the Devil’s Bible on National Geographic. It’s OK. It’s not my normal thing, but there isn’t much interesting on tonight and I’ve already cleaned out the TiVo Suggestions folders on both boxes.

I really don’t want to go back tomorrow.

Been thinking about therapy, wondering if I should start up again. Probably won’t. Probably. I just get confused and keep whirling the same things around in my head running thought different permutations and what not. It’s a left-over from my time at the resorts: everything there really did have three, four, and five different layers of meaning. It was enough to inspire paranoia in even the most balanced personalities, which I obviously was not or Queeg couldn’t have pushed me over the edge so many years later.

I think, when I get promoted, I am going to save up and buy someplace small up here in the mountains, no matter where I end up working. I really like it up here, and if I get something small I can pay it of fairly quickly, and then I won’t have to work, I’ll have a place to live already paid for. Yes, electricity would be nice, but I could run a register at a Food Lion to pay the electric bill. I am seriously going to consider that. If I can just keep from expanding my lifestyle to match my salary that is.

It kind of drives me crazy that I do that, but I do it just the same. Just a few short years ago I was a produce clerk scraping by on $8.50/hour and I was fine. Then I got promoted to hourly manager making $9.10/hour and I didn’t have any extra money. What the hell? Then I get promoted to my current position, my pay nearly doubles, and I still don’t have any (or not much) extra money. Go figure.

I think, once I get everything settled down, I’m going to try eHarmony again. And this time I’ll actually pay for it so I can talk to people. But what if I meet someone? I’m in no position to move, and the last time I tried it there were no matches for me closer than sixty or seventy miles, so just dating would be a little difficult. Oh well.

I probably just need to move somewhere and start over fresh. But I’d still have the mental vs. physical age problem. I’m about to turn forty and I don’t feel like I’m about to turn forty. Thirty, maybe, but not forty. Like I said, thinking about therapy again. But I probably won’t do it.

And yes I’m on my meds…