A little blue-eyed blonde with shoes on wrong…

…’cause she likes to dress herself.

Fits K to a t. I thought about her as I was driving back from the cabin today and that song came up on my CD changer.

There was a thunderstorm up at the cabin last night. It was great. The A/C is out up there so I had the front and back doors open with the screen doors latched shut. Unlike most of the other modifications to the house my parents have made the screen doors were professionally installed so when latched they are bug-proof. Both the front and back porches are fully covered, though not screened in, but the amount the roof hangs over their edges combined with the house’s orientation to the prevailing winds means it takes a fearsome storm to get any significant portion of the porches wet. Generally if it’s not a tropical storm or a hurricane (and we’ve had them, strange as it sounds) then the porches stay pretty dry. I say that to explain why I wasn’t worried about rain getting into the house, and to set up my next paragraph.

I had a something about Critter last night during the storm. It wasn’t a dream, because I was awake, and I wouldn’t call it an hallucination because I knew very well at the time that it was not happening, so I’m not sure what you’d call it. I had a flash of the two of us out on the front porch, in the storm, making love. It was pretty specific too, but I’ll not list the details here. And I do actually mean "making love," that wasn’t a euphemism. We’ve done both, one time we did both at the same time, not entirely sure how, but there you have it. The strange thing is I don’t recall ever having talked about anything like that with her and we’ve never done anything like that at the cabin (or anywhere else), so it was a totally random "gee this would be cool to do" flash. And it really would. The wind and rain in the trees, the flashes of lightning (but no thunder, oddly enough), and the general mood last night would have made for an excellent session.

I was doing pretty well today, last night not withstanding, until I got to the store she works at in town. I had to return some things I’d bought, and this was going to be my only day off for at least six more days, possibly seven. I wandered back towards the back of the store, trying to stay away from the department she works in, heading back to see a friend in another department and see how the inventory was going. That friend was already gone (which tells me the inventory must have gone pretty well) but one of her co-workers was down that way and saw me. Naturally she greeted me and told me Critter was in the department a few minutes ago and was probably still there, etc. I told her I was trying to stay away for a bit, and why, to which she replied, "but you two are so close, you need to stay in contact with each other!" I told her again, that I can’t right now, and took my leave. That made for a rough trip home.

I hate that sometimes I verge on full blown panic attacks when I think of never seeing her or the kids again. I think I’ve mentioned it before but there are times I actually have trouble breathing.  Not having one right now, but I’m kind of aggravated at the whole situation too. I really don’t want to have to maintain a constant low-level anger at her to be able to breathe when I think of her, that would be the quickest way to hating her, and I WILL NOT DO THAT. The suggestion has been made that I should. But not here…

And I want to thank everyone for the notes on the last entry, they helped tremendously.

My PS3 has gotten a taste of HDMI output and now it won’t send video or audio out any other way. Now I’m going to have to take it back up to the cabin and see if there’s a way to force it to change back or if I’m going to have to a) buy another PS3 or b) but an HDTV.