Jesus take the wheel…

Wow. OK. Hmmmm. I guess I’ll just jump right in.

Had a wreck a little while ago. Not sure exactly what happened, I was driving along into town to drop off my phone/cable/internet bill and I lost it around a curve. It’s raining so I was driving kinda slow, I think around forty-five or so. I eased the wheel to the left to start into the curve and nothing happened. So I eased a little more. Still nothing. At this point I’m getting really close to a drop off and a mailbox so I cut it hard right, at which point my front wheels grab again and the back end gets loose on me. Damn. So I step on the brakes and leave my foot there (I’m trying to let the anti-lock chip do its thing) and cut hard left. Now instead of sliding down the middle of the road with my passenger side leading I’ve spun round so the driver’s side is leading. Really not any better in my opinion. So I keep fighting it a couple of more times and I see another car headed right towards me. I can’t really blame him since I’m in his lane and all. So I decide to flip round to passenger side leading and gun the engine to at least get me off the road and out of his way. I’m in an SUV and that thing looked mighty small and I really didn’t want to kill anyone so this seemed the best option. So as I leave the road I start to straighten out and think maybe I can pull it out with nothing but mud streaks to show for it when I hear a “crunch” and I just know I’ve taken out a mailbox. I see a hill in front of me and try to steer straight up it and take my foot off the gas and leave it on the floorboard, giving myself over to the laws of physics and letting whatever momentum is still left in the car kill itself on the hill.

After I’m sure I’m stopped I step on the brake and put it in reverse to try to back down the hill into the driveway I slid across. I drove up to the house and knocked on the door and evidently woke up the entire family. I offered my name and address and told them what happened and if they’d send a bill for the box I’d gladly pay it. Turn’s out it’s AmandaS’s fiancee’s parent’s place. That was a little awkward to say the least. Probably not getting invited to *that* wedding now. Funny thing is they are getting married in something like four or five weeks and her fiancée still lives there. What the hell? Dude needs to grow the hell up in my opinion. Both sets of parents know they’re having sex (not that it’s any of their business), AmandaS has her own place, a ring has been purchased and a date has been set. Let ‘em “live in sin” for a few weeks for crying out loud. Ding-a-lings.

They said that box has been taken out three or four times in the past year or so and I’m the only one that’s ever stopped. Fortunately for me I didn’t break the post because at some point they got smart and installed a breakaway base. I creamed the box though. He said he had another one in his shed though, so maybe it won’t cost me too much. Totally destroyed the running board and mirror on the passenger side of the truck, but it looks like they took the entire impact since there is no damage I can see in the sheet metal. It may look different in the morning, I’m not sure, but right now it looks like I’ve just got rooster tails of mud up both sides of the truck and the damage on the running board and mirror to deal with. Cool.

Oh, did I mention if I had gone up that hill a foot to the left or right and I’d have plowed into a tree or flipped the truck? And of course if I hadn’t backed down in my own tracks I’d have flipped it or grounded on the oil pan. I guess maybe there was more than physics going on there, huh. I feel OK giving my mad driving skills credit for keeping me on the road and aware of what was going on around me, but I can’t take credit for the incredible circumstances during the run-out up the hill. That goes to Someone Else. And I noticed as I was getting back in the truck to continue into town that I had left the house without wearing my dog tags. The dog tags I had made for just this situation. That was brilliant.

Oh, and the other driver, the one I was willing to risk everything to avoid? Yeah, didn’t even slow down. Jackass.

Gonna go to sleep now. Night!