Stupid Drivers

I hate stupid drivers. I was tooling along on the way home this afternoon when this idiot woman in a black car comes tearing up behind me like a bat out of hell. I was going sixty in the right-hand lane of a fifty-five mile per hour zone, but the lanes were merging down to one, and she was too far away to get by me unless I just stopped, which I wasn’t going to do. So I kept on going, and as the lanes merge she puts her front bumper right up on my ass. I’m in a Ford Expedition and I cannot see this woman’s hood in my rear view mirror. I can barely see her wipers: she was beyond tailgating, she was drafting. I hold at my current speed because a) I’m already speeding and b) I’ve left my wallet and license at home and wasn’t going to go any faster. So we go on like this for about fifteen miles, and she never once takes the opportunity to pass me when there is one. We come up on a speed zone, dropping the speed to forty-five miles per hour, but I don’t normally slow down for this one because it’s only about two hundred yards long and there really isn’t a good reason for it. To offer her more of a chance to pass, I slowed down to forty-five. No movement, still on my ass.  The speed limit went back up, but I stayed at forty-five to give her even MORE of a chance to pass since the road is dead straight and level for the next four hundred yards to about where I turn off anyway. No movement, still on my ass. At this point I’m starting to wish I had a drink of some sort I could empty out the window to back her off but I didn’t. I turn where I always do and the idiot turns with me, but now I can’t even see the wipers, she can only be an inch or two from my trailer hitch at this point. So I slowed down and pulled over as best I could to finally make the idiot pass me. She not only hits me as she passes (of course at this point I guess it’s called rubbing) but she gives me the finger as well, like I did something wrong. Idiot. She took off going at least seventy down a narrow mountain road. I carefully avoided looking in the ditches as I drove the rest of the way home, because I figured if I didn’t see her I wouldn’t have to stop. I never did see what kind of car it was, all I could see was her windshield. She was dressed pretty well though.