Strong is an option

So my support system, my gay soul mate, has clinical depression

He was supposed to be here tonight, spend the weekend with us, hang out with me in the hospital while I wait, be the first person I see when I wake up

His  meds are all messed up so he canceled on me

I didn’t think I was that bothered by it all, I have a Plan B in place

It’s just not the same, and that’s why I am sitting here in tears, because it just hit me that I am going to be alone through most of it

I have a really hard time asking for help, or taking someone up on it when they offer it to me

As I sit at my desk plowing through the work that I have left before I am gone for 2 weeks, I am suddenly really sad

I help so many people and yet I don’t accept that help for myself

I really thought after my surgery last year that I would be different but that is a hard row to hoe I guess

To be sure, I am hoping that I don’t lose my shit tomorrow, I have my phone with my e-books, so I should be able to distract myself for a little bit

I really need to talk with someone about this stuff, I can’t be sitting here bursting into tears for no apparent reason