Head scratcher

Seems like the passion has been sucked out of Don’s emails…and its sort of got me thinking

It went from all sorts of sexy talk, like missing the feel of my miraculously soft skin and stuff like that

Now its just ‘hey, let’s go to the movies’ and normal stuff like that

Could it be that he can sense my aloofness about this whole situation?  Did the wind get taken out of our sails because we were honest with one another?

He sent me an email, apologizing, for not telling me about his dating situation and how he praised me and complimented me.  Not really sure why he felt like he needed to do that, however, he’s tapping into some of the same stuff that I have been swirling around in my head.  its good that we’re connected like that

I guess I will just have to see how it goes tonight, what his vibe is, etc.  Normally he can’t keep his hands off me, so if that’s different, then I will really know.  And I am not afraid to confront him about it either

To me, that means that something about me asking him about it all bothered him, well it bothered him enough to apologize.  I wonder now if it really did affect him to that extent?  And could he really have picked up that epiphany that I had on Sunday night?  I want to think that he sat there working thinking about me, wishing things went a different way, perhaps calling me to talk about it.  He did mention that it wasn’t about getting in my pants, however, since it went from being super passionate to almost nothing, makes me really think I was on the right track about it all

In other news, I have been knee bandless since essentially Friday.  Went from tendonitis to a meniscus tear in like 4 weeks.  I used to work out every day but when I met Brian, my schedule got completely thrown off.  I started going to physical therapy and on Thursday she said, try not wearing the band so much.  So I went from wearing it constantly to not at all…well, I went to work at the store for 11 hours without it, that’s not much walking though.  Went to the city to have brunch with the Chef, and ventured out a bit in Hayes Valley, but that wasn’t so bad.  So I figured why the heck not, try going to work without it…mind you I walk like a million miles (well maybe not that many, but close) a day and I was thinking I may have bit off more than I can chew with it

Seems to doing just fine…just need to really ice it when I get home, which I haven’t really done yet, but oh well…seems that I am not going to have surgery, which with my lifestyle, its a blessing!

Speaking of emails, received a really gracious one from Brian…which I totally didn’t expect.  I didn’t realize how much we did together until I looked back over the pics and emails and we really did spend a ton of time together.  Sure, it was a bit much too soon, however, if I was in the right place for something like that, it would have been the perfect relationship.  Lessons learned for sure, and I really do think that people come into our lives for a reason.  Its just difficult to figure out why they are there, when they are there

And speaking of people…the beauty of Facebook once again shines bright…I was there doing something one day and this familiar face popped up as a suggestion for someone that I might know.  And sure enough, I DID know him, quite well as a matter of fact

Jim and I go WAAAAAAAY back, like almost 20 years back, to when he was coaching a semi-pro football team and was a bouncer at a local dive bar that we used to hang out at together.  I had asked him if he needed assistance and he said sure, so I became his statistician…which I am sure I wasn’t ever very good at, was more interested in watching all the hot guys play football lol

And speaking of hot guys, yes, Jim was like a matchmaker back then, introduced me to this gentle soul Carl and eventually, on the same team, to my ex-husband

So yeah, Jim and I have been emailing and talking on the phone, trying to get together in person, which seems to be a comedy of errors, with his schedule, living across the hill, etc. 

He finally said to me online, hey, I have an extra ticket for the game on Saturday, would you like to go?  And I am like, of course, I would be delighted to go to a football game with a coach and player

So now its like, he’s in my head…I caught myself thinking about him in the last few days and when he called me out of the blue yesterday, I was tickled.  I wonder if the years have mellowed me on him (long story) and if I will finally let him catch me?  He’s been after me for YEARS and its flattering to think that he’s still interested, even after all this time

Yeah, I am excited about seeing him, however, I am learning my lessons about being present and enjoying the moments as they come to me…we’re going to a football game together…whatever happens after that remains to be unseen…that book is still unwritten

(I heard that song on the radio this morning, seems like a good way to think!)