Leaf off the family tree has fallen

You know how sometimes you run across a piece of information in life that makes you stop dead in your tracks and start to ponder things?  Well, tonight I had one of those moments and it’s kind of playing and replaying in my mind.

I was reading the online newspaper from my hometown.  I do this on a regular basis to keep up on what’s happening back home.  Part of that is that I read the wedding announcements, engagements and obits.

Tonight I was looking through the obits and saw this one for this girl that was 33.  Call it a morbid curiosity or whatever you will, but I read the ones of young ones who have passed.  Don’t know why, just something that isn’t ‘normal’ I guess to see so it draws your attention faster than a 82 year old, ya know?

But anyway, like I said, I read this one for this 33 year old girl.  Didn’t know her (or so I thought).  But I got to the part where it says who you are survived by and suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks.  See, I am only child.  Well, I am my Mother’s only child that is.  My Father was married before and had two children by that wife, got divorced.  He then was dating my Mom and living with some other woman at the same time (real winner I know) when I came along.  He hightailed it as far away as he could and eventually wound up marrying the woman he was living with.  So technically my Father has 3 children (or had, his only son died when he was 15).  I have never met my half sibling at all though.

Reading through the obit tonight it said this girl who had passed was survived by her grandparents and there listed was my Father’s name.  So I read on further and it said she was preceded in death by her uncle, which was my half-brother.  I guess technically then my half niece just passed away.  Funny thing is we are only 6 months apart in age.  My Mom knew that when she was having me that he was expecting his first grandchild at the same time.  Neat huh?

Like I said though, I have never met my half siblings ever in my life.  That was something that I came to realize a long time ago was something that would never happen. And that’s because my Father never openly accepted me to his family.  I have a sneaking suspicion that many in his family have no clue I even exist.  Out of sight, out of mind has always been my Father’s way of dealing with me.  I have not seen him face to face in at least 17 years now.  For a while I didn’t even know where he lived.  And as far as I know he doesn’t even know that I have kids.  If he does it’s been through the grapevine that he’s obtained such information because neither my Mom nor I have had any contact with him in years.

I find it a little funny (not ha ha kind of funny) that after reading that I can’t stop thinking about it.  I have no reason to, I didn’t know her.  Maybe it’s because reading about her life was kind of nice.  She touched alot of lives it sounds in her 33 short years on earth.  She sounded like a really nice person.  Was a teacher that was dedicated to her students and everyone she had in her life.  Maybe it’s because we have a common connection and we never knew it and now it’s to late to ever know if someday we would connect somehow.  I don’t know, just a strange feeling to read that and realize  that there is another branch to my family tree and I don’t know much about it.  Seeing her picture kind of made that a reality I think.  I guess sometimes I wish circumstances were different so that I could have that connection with my ‘other family’.  But that is likely never to happen because my Father made the decision long ago that his children would never meet each other.  And his new wife certainly is an obstacle in that too. 

RIP J.B.