reaction formation.

I know what I’m doing.  I’m attaching to other people because of the situation I’m in with my ex.

So I admitted that I’m in love with him.  He said that he loved me.  This fucked everything up because we could no longer go about our business as blissfully ignorant as we did before.  It changed everything.

I’m still waiting on him, though, and I’m okay with it.

He’s going to go on a date with some guy, and it’s killing me inside.  I can only hope that the date goes poorly, and he comes back to me and we start again, and he cuts his drinking way back, and we live happily ever after, because he makes me smile, and he makes me stop thinking, and he makes me calm.

He’s really good for me emotionally – he’s simple, and a guy, so he’s oblivious and an asshole, which are qualities that normally aggravate  me when it comes to those qualities existing in a partner of mine, but for some reason, with this boy, i find the qualities cute.  His normalcy is attractive to me, despite all my predispositions to the contrary.