more improvement.

So I guess this is yet another one of my few public entries. I guess because I don’t have too too much to say today.

C texted me this morning and told me off about how I didn’t text him enough yesterday. ‘You don’t even care about me, wah wah waaahh sadface sadface’. Shuuuut up. Is all I have to say. Call me insensitive but these petty fights aren’t making my short fuse any longer. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I HAAATTEEE relationships. Anywho, we haven’t texted since this morning when after an hour and a half silence from me he randomly writes, "ok". I asked what, and he replied "nothing". Well then why text me? I’m not gonna sit here and play the guessing game if he has something he wants to say to me…

I did well today. On my eating I mean. I ate chicken fajitas that my mom made and they were amazing. I kept them down, and quite frankly don’t feel too guilty about eating them. I’m going to exercise later but not because I am desperate to burn off the calories I just ate (which was around 600) but because I’m just making it part of my routine. My dinner puts me at 1200 calories today. Notice how my intake is getting higher? When I started all this it took me all the effort in the world to make my intake higher than 700-800. Shit, If I had it my way I would have never gone above 500. And lately I’ve been between 1000 and 1200 and running and strength training. 🙂 I’m doing better. I think the eating disorder mentality is slowly leaving me alone. And I did it by myself. I stopped seeing my therapist from rehab ages ago, and I’ve come further in the past month than I did when I was IN rehab. Maybe therapy helps for some people, but for me it ultimately comes down to fighting my demons alone. Learning how to do it without someone there holding your hand. Letting go of the hand that tries to drag you down. I don’t think ana has hold on me any longer. Yes, I will always be very conscious of what I eat, but not to the extent that I was before. I mean come on, I ate fajitas and I’m not having a fit right now. I’m not punishing myself by working out for hours and starving myself for the next 48 hours. Or puking my guts out.  

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get to see my best friend. I rarely get to now that school has started and she a nutter for a boyfriend. She complains to me about how clingy he is and how smothered she feels. But it was so predictable! I knew his type from a mile away and warned her, so I’m sitting there like, "this sounds so familiar, kinda like something I told you a looong time ago!" hahah… I hate to say I told you so, buuuuut, I definitely told you so. I love being right haha 🙂 He surprised her and bought her a puppy for valentines day. A PUPPY. She was happy but if someone bought me a puppy I would be fucking livid. What kinda gift is that?? I mean unless I asked for one, I would not want a puppy. I don’t think giving someone an extra unnecessary responsibility for a gift is the best idea but that’s just me 🙂