I feel discouraged

This has been one of those weeks when I have just felt discouraged.  I spent all last weekend getting tons of stuff done and feeling really good about it at the end of the weekend.  Then of course I come home from work Monday night to find another email with another 8-9 hours of homework attached for my graduate course.  I’m not sure if this is ever going to stop this semester or not, but I would really appreciate a bit of break from it all…  I guess I’ll get a break when I’m done in May. 

I spent Tuesday night and Wednesday after work on the couch because I got a flu bug.  I did manage to make it through work both days, but I’m not sure how.  I just came home and crashed both days.  Needless to say, that left me with not getting much accomplished on those days.  So now I feel further behind again.  I hate that feeling. 

The rest of the week was just discouraging in general.  Here we have gone another month with no such luck in trying to add an addition to our family.  I don’t think I have ever encountered or experienced something that makes me feel like more of a failure.  I know it’s not necessarily my fault or anything like that and that it’s probably God’s timing, but I have these days when it’s really hard to let go of the emotional aspect of it all and just remain positive that God will make it happen when it’s meant to be.  When you want something so incredibly bad and you really have no control over it, it definitely requires you to become humble about it all.  We have not said a word to anyone about trying, and we don’t want our families to even know.  I don’t want to take away from any of the excitement that will come when we are able to tell them they will be grandparents.  It has been hard, though, to keep it all bottled up inside for the past 4 month.  It’s just frustrating when you feel as though you’ve tried to do everything the way it should be done and that you’ve taken the time to learn your cycle enough to know what’s going on and then it still doesn’t happen.  I know i need to turn more to prayer and fully hand over this problem to God and wait for what we’re meant to do.  It’s just really hard for me to do that sometimes. 

On a brighter note, the weather is beautiful outside today!  Although I do need to spend most of the day working on homework, I am going to make sure I do get out a bit so that the sun can brighten my spirirts!  🙂  I hope you are all having a beautiful weekend as well!  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers…