We Need to Have Trust

Today has been one of those cold, snowy days where you stay inside all day.  It would’ve been a great opportunity for me to get started on my big Action Research paper for this semester and get some work done; however, I spent the day being absolutely lazy instead.  Now I am sitting here with it nearing midnight realizing that I accomplished nothing today.  That makes me feel kind of worthless.  Oh, well!

We got off school yesterday because our school met AYP last year from the state assessments.  In short, that means that we did a good enough job on the assessments to keep the state and national governments from breathing down our necks for one more year.  hehehe  That’s good news!  It was so nice to have a day off work!  Other than the major holidays, we don’t get a single day off as teachers in our district all year.  It’s kind of frustrating.  We have all be worn out, so we all needed a day off work.  This time of the year really seems to creep by as we anxiously await Spring Break!  It was beautiful out yesterday, too, so that put me in a really great mood before this next snow storm moved in. 

My brother and his family came "home" this weekend, so they are at my parents’ house.  We went over there last night to see them.  We debated about staying there since the weather was going to get bad, but I really wanted everyone to come over to our house.  My parents are living in my grandma’s old house right now, so it’s small.  We have twice the space here, so I really wanted to be here so we could all get snowed in as a family since we don’t see each other very often.  Well, they decided to not come over this morning, so I missed out on some quality family time today.  That kind of bummed me.  Especially because I love to snuggle with and spoil my baby nephew.  I hope I get to see them for a while tomorrow before they head home. 

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but my husband is currently going through the RCIA program at our church.  That is the program that people go through prior to joining the Catholic church.  I am so excited for him because he has come so far in the past year or two with his faith.  Since we started dating, he was wonderful about going to church with me because he knew how important it was to me to have an established church that we can raise a family in.  He told me he didn’t think he could ever join the church, but he would always be willing to go as a family.  He has definitely held true to that since we started seriously dating.  Well, this year when  he got a letter from our priest inviting him to the first RCIA meeting, he chose to go on his own.  And he has been going ever since…

Anyway, I am going to be his sponsor when he joins the church at the Easter Vigil in April, so I have been going to RCIA class with him on Thursday nights.  Well, the past few weeks have been about self-giving love and the sacrament of marriage.  It has really opened our eyes.  I grew up Catholic and always knew that the church is against using contraceptives to avoid pregnancy (and I know many others don’t see a problem with contraceptives, and that’s fine if that’s there own thing – I’m not writing this to raise controversy).  Well, quite frankly, that scared me.  I had great intentions of becoming family with Natural Family Planning before we got married so that I could follow the church’s teachings, but I was terrible and put it on the back burner.  Then when we got married we decided we wanted some time to be a couple before having children.  Still, we didn’t do the right thing and learn NFP.  Part of me was scared because Trent wasn’t fully convinced of why the church taught what they did, so he didn’t see the problem with contraceptives.  That made it harder for me because I just thought he’d think I was crazy if I pushed the NFP thing and stuff.  Anyway, I think we both had an awakening moment and truly felt called to move above what we have been doing and to be more open to the gift of life.  Moreover, I think that we were both being called to trust in God more with our lives. 

I have a real problem with trusting because I am what many people would call a control freak.  I want to be in charge of what’s going on around me, and I typically stress myself out over everything to an unbelievable extent.  I want to decide when to start a family, what job is the best for me, etc.  I think that’s possibly why I haven’t been very happy lately.  I am so busy trying to control everything myself and putting the pressure on myself to make all of the right choices that I’m not even listening to whatever I am being called to do.  I have been walking through each day all wrong — trying to make all of the decisions on my own rather than trusting life to just happen.  I keep forgetting that I was not placed on this Earth to live this life for me and my own satisfaction but rather for the life that comes after this one.  I am really trying to just have more faith and trust in God to lead me to whatever He wants me to do. 

In church last week, I really started to feel a call to possibly change jobs in the future if the opportunity approaches me.  This may mean giving up some income and some benefits in order to teach at a Catholic school or something of that sort, but I’ll just have to lay low and see where life takes me.  I am excited at the possibilities of what may come my way if I quit trying to control so many things on my own!  Hubby and I have decided that the entire NFP thing is what we need to be doing.  What the worst that could happen…us welcome a beautiful new life into this world?!? 

I’m sorry if this entry sounds like I’m preaching…that’s really not my intentions.  I am just excited because I feel as though I am being called to become a much better and faith-filled person.