I’m writing another entry, STOP DA PRESSES

Ugh. Okay. I gotta say… one of the things that prevents me from writing as much as I’d like to is, whenever I think of something that’s troubling me, by the time I actually get to my computer, I rethink it and realize it all doesn’t really matter and isn’t even worth writing.

Maybe I should write it all down anyway though. I’d like to be able to go to this, when I’m older, and read how I thought and what my concerns and feelings were when I was younger. I think that would be cool. For the sake of posterity I should probably me more thorough then.

So, what’s on my mind? Well, first of all, something I think I’ve written about before. I often wonder about the whole moneymaking process. The making of a lifestyle, finding an occupation, contributing to society, all that jazz. To be honest, I don’t really want a part of it. Okay, so I’m still young and my views are going to be affected by that. I can understand that. Maybe my feelings on the matter will change. But to be honest, all I want to be able to do is live in nice little place — nothing crazy — and just have free time to do what I want! Cycle and hike mountain trails, sit on the beach and listen to music all day, work out and cook/eat like a mothafucka, play me some videogames, go to the pub, watch movies, just go outside and run around… you know. Fun stuff. When I’m doing those things, I never feel… anxious or agitated or uneasy about things. It’s like freedom. I want to be able to sit on the sidewalk and poke bugs with a stick! But I never get the chance to because I’m always doing this or doing that. Always on a schedule. Always late for something, or recovering from one thing just long enough for the other. Case in point, I have to go to work in 20 minutes. Feels like I just got home from my other job.

I can’t wait until the weather livens up a bit. Gets sunnier. I’m going to be outside every day I can. So I can hike and poke bugs in the forest and listen to the birds and JUST the birds.

Something else that occurred to me a little while ago. A lot of people these days are buying into the fad of losing weight, exercising, “eating better”, weightlifting, etc. Unfortunately the amount of people that attempt that and actually succeed is a very small amount indeed. To make a significant, noticeable change in your body is a monumental feat. It takes a huge amount of discipline (assuming you aren’t a fat, terminally unhealthy person to begin with) and hard work. Is it complex? Not really. Not to accomplish what most people want. But is it hard? Fuck yes! It’s one of the hardest things you can do! People don’t realize it though. They think, “Oh, I can spend 30 minutes on a treadmill three times a week and suddenly I’ll look like that cover model!”

Nope.

It’s an extremely difficult task, and even the people that succeed rarely do so without years of failure beforehand. And thinking about that brought me to my next though… that ultimately, people really do rarely change.

Shoot, hold that thought I gotta go to work!