Ffffffrrrbbbbllllbbbb. Good night.

Okay, so I said I would elaborate on things and I will. Here goes.

Uhh… was it Saturday night? I’m tempted to say Saturday night so let’s say Saturday night. Saturday night I went out with a buddy of mine, Kevin, and his friend Joe. Kev picked me up in Joe’s truck and we went to Joe’s place then to Earl’s. I wub Earl’s.

I mean EARL’S ROCKS MAN YEEAAAAH HARDCORENESS etc.

So we got to Earl’s and I had a turkey club with… something. My memory is so bad. Caesar salad, that’s it. A turkey club sandwich with caesar salad. By the time I finished it I was so full because I had just eaten eighteen perogies (Eighteen Perogies would be an awesome band name I think) an hour earlier so yeah. Anyway I also had a couple of Coronas on my way there and I had a few double gin and grapefruit drinks (2GDD for abbreviation’s sake).

Anyway, from there we drove to some strip club, which was pretty lame. The clientele was mostly older (40+) with a couple of younger stragglers. We had to wait a really long time between girls, and the first one wasn’t all that great and the second one I’m pretty sure used to be a man. S/he was funny though so I guess it wasn’t all bad. Anyway we had a few more 2GDDs and a few jaegerbombs and then we were outta there.

From there, we went to some place that starts with an M… Mosey’s? Mosley’s? Every time someone mentioned the name it sounded like they were slurring — which they may have been — so I never caught the name. Actually it’s kinda funny, I mean I heard the name so many times but I never really heard it, know what I mean? It was like something from a sitcom.

“What’s that place called?”
“Moslefalsd.”
“What?”
“Moslaburdaldska.”
“Uhh…”
“Mosdguasla2w4a3802yta, man!”
“Okay whatever.”

Anyway, so we went there and it was just starting to pick up. Naturally I had another jaeger bomb at some point, about five more 2GDDs, and a corona somewhere between 10 and 2. The place became so packed it was insane. It was shoulder-to-shoulder packed, and it wasn’t a small place either. No crazy two-story joint but it certainly wasn’t small. Joe and I were sitting down at a table at some point after I had just finished talking to this girl… okay one thing at a time.

So I was talking to this girl, real cute for sure. She was a Spa Manager or something, basically she taught all the masseuses and stuff at this spa. We were just talking about our jobs a bit when her friend comes outta nowhere and drags her off. I’m like… noooo… whatever.

So anyway I sit down at a table with Joe and he offers me a smoke, which I accept. This is the first time I’ve smoked cigarettes might I add. It wasn’t anything special. I guess because I’ve been such a stoner in the past. I was pretty disappointed.

Anyway so I basically just mingled and chatted to people and then I passed out in the truck. Woke up the next day, still in the back of the truck, but we were at Joe’s house. Kev and Joe come out looking for me, we go out for breakfast at a nearby greasy spoon cafe. I got two eggs benedict and two slices of toast and three sunny-side-up eggs and hash browns and two strips of bacon and two sausage links and some ham and two coffees.

Hey, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’m an eating machine.

CRAP!! I should have drawn a smorgasbord in my MSPaint. Oh well, woulda shoulda coulda.

Anyway, the rest of the weekend I pretty must just lounged around on the internet, read some articles (which I do every weekday), read a cookbook, chatted to some friends, all that good stuff.

Today was back to work. I woke up at seven thirty — without my alarm no less!! — and was like, “Wow. My brother hasn’t come downstairs to wake me up yet! I guess he’s taking today off.” This happens sometimes when he’s out late the night before. So I roll over and with a great big smile on my face I conk. the fuck. out.

Well half an hour later… “Craig! Time for work!” Blehhhh…

Well I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in over a week so I didn’t have anything for breakfast or lunch ready. Yay! So I filled up my water bottle, which is actually a jug, and got driven out to the work site.

Unfortunately part-way there my brother realized he had his girlfriend’s keys. Oh well, we had to go to the job site first.

Anyway, I work, la de da, we prep the house and finish putting up the rock on one section, I have a few crackers and cheese from Jim’s lunch that he offered me. Then my brother picks me up and pays me what he owed me ($666 after rent. Typical for me) and we pick up his girlfriend. Oh I mean fiancee. Whatever. Anyway she gets all mad that their dogs pissed and shat all over the house while I was downstairs and expects me to clean it up. Well… if the dogs were mine they would be more disciplined than to indiscriminately dirty the house all the time. I don’t feel I should be punished for their lack of foresight. Anyway I didn’t say that of course and my brother instead said that it wasn’t my responsibility and blah blah blah. Drama that I am extremely detached from thanks to incomprehensible amounts of drama that I have been exposed to before. It’s like I have Diabetes, except instead of my cells being resistant to the effects of Insulin because of frequent Insulin spikes, I’m resistant to the effects of drama because of frequent drama spikes. Dramabetes. Oh my God that is the best word ever. Dramabetes.

Anyway, after we picked her up my brother went to grab a couple of six packs and while he was in there I went to the local supermarket and grabbed temporary all-purpose foods, meaning bagels, peanut butter, and lactaid. Makes a good breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Since I’m gonna be going back to Vancouver for the next month or so I’m not really inclined to do any real shopping at the moment, since I’ll be cooking in bulk. So I’ll just eat crap for a few days. No problem.

Wow! I think I’m pretty much caught up! Anyway I’m still ridiculously dirty from work (not quite as bad as I am in my OD photo but not much better) so I’m going to have a shower and sleep like it’s the night after 1999.