Praying for Marvin’s brother

Yesterday I had a long phone talk with my dear friend Marvin. It was about his brother Ulrich, whom I think I have mentioned before. He has cancer and he is dying. Just think that he lost 45 kg, he lost all his teeth and hair. The cancer attacked a kidney first. Ulrich noticed blood in his urine, but waited three months before seeing a doctor. By that time, it was already too late, obviously. They removed the kidney, but then they found metastasis in the bladder and lungs. He had a quite strong chemotherapy, but his body did not bear it and they had to interrupt it. Anyway, about one year ago, it seemed that he reacted well to therapies and he was getting better. 

Then, one day, Ulrich claimed that he felt a pain in a tooth near the jaw. He went to the dentist, and he firstly thought he could be a dental abscess. It turned out to be a metastasis. It could not be totally removed, because well, they cannot dig too deeply in his face. By now, he is totally deformed in the face, and the tumor in the jaw is like a boil coming out of the face. If it grows some more, it will asphyxiate him. Moreover, the thing has started to smell like bad breath. Ulrich cannot eat anymore, because he has this sort of "hole" in the jaw: he gets a sort of caloric beverage, delivered directly from hospital, and he nourishes himself drinking it. 

It is a very painful situation. Marvin is very much attached to this brother of his, because he always saw in him a witness of the abuse he went through. Ulrich and Marvin shared the same room as they were children, and every time their father did not get – sexually – what he wanted from his wife, he took it from Marvin. Ulrich witnessed all this, and Marvin has always wanted him to confirm him that it was a real memory, and not just a trick of his mind. At the present moment, Marvin is the only one among all brothers and sisters who really takes care of Ulrich. He goes to every meeting with the doctors, he helps Ulrich with the grocery shopping, he helps him keeping the house clean, you name it. 

For Christmas, Marvin tried to convince Ulrich to accept his company, but Ulrich preferred to spend it alone. The same for New Year’s Eve. Well, they were the last ones. Ulrich is not going to live very long anymore. Marvin knows it, and he is ready to talk with his brother about Death, but Ulrich totally removes the topic from his mind and doesn’t want to speak about it. I think it is maybe positive. As long as there is life, there must be hope. I asked my father, who, as a medical doctor, happened to be near to people dying, what is the best thing to do in such cases. He said to me that in his opinion hope should never be taken away, since it is what makes the pain bearable. Marvin is of another opinion. He always says to me that he would like to have a serious talk with his brother, about what comes after life, about God maybe, about all that is unknown to mortal people like us humans. I told Marvin to let it be and not to insist. Ulrich has never been the kind of person with whom it is possible to have a serious talk about anything anyway. Now he barely speaks, but at the time he was not ill, he would talk a lot about superficial things… the typical person who complains about the weather. Marvin is very different. Marvin often says to me that in his brother’s position he would have stopped the therapies a long time ago, and would have "enjoyed" the remaining time on earth without pain and suffering. Marvin is even an "Exit" member. "Exit" is an association of people stating that in case of sure death, before facing pain, they want to be free to commit suicide and do not want to be saved. Well, that’s a choice. I do not share this decision, but it is a personal opinion and attitude towards life. Exactly like being an organs’ donor or not: everybody is right. 

I have not seen Ulrich since he turned ill. I think I would not even recognize him anymore. Marvin is impressed by the loss of strength his brother goes through day by day. Sometimes I ask myself why God does not do Ulrich the grace of letting him just fall asleep forever. It would be the best thing. I know it is terrible to say that Death is the best thing for someone, but in this case, it would only be a relief. What Ulrich is living now is no life. He is even aggressive towards Marvin, as if Marvin were to blame for his suffering. Marvin bears all this, because he understands the situation, but it is not easy for him. He can be a very patient person. But Marvin has his problems too. He is manic-depressive, on heavy medication; he is stable at the moment but this stability is very fragile. 

Well, my dear OD friends, may I ask you to keep my friends Marvin and Ulrich in your thoughts or prayers if you pray. Take gentle care of yourselves.