Serious things

Today I wanted to take an appointment with Doctor Livio. He should be back from his "holiday" – actually, he just said he was on holiday, but he was busy defending a pedophile. His secretary told me to call again tomorrow, she will tell me when he has time. She was kind of… cold. Distant. So I ask myself… what if Doctor Livio read some of the things I wrote here about him? This is just a silly question, I know, he has better things to do than reading my blog, but what if he did? Since I am a worrier, I racked my brains over this issue and I thought, maybe he would have never known how to access my diary but Paola, the psychologist of The Castle, knows my nickname and the address of the site. Maybe she read and reported it to Doctor Livio. 

Well, I stand behind everything I have written. Every single word is my sincere opinion, my disappointment with a man I used to consider like a father and my indignation as a citizen who sees a pedophile defended by such a talented and respected professional. If this causes problems, well, then be it. I don’t care. Again… I don’t care. I would have not thought that I could ever use the words I don’t care about something which has to do with Doctor Livio, but again, he is just like all others. My mother asked me today if I do not esteem him anymore. I replied that I esteem him, he is the best therapist ever, but it will never be the same again. I did not idealize him before, I questioned many things he said or did, but he always surprised me positively. The first things I found suspect has been his interest for Jessica, the skinny little bitch. Apparently, Doctor Livio helped her a lot through the last few years. And with "helped" I mean more than therapy sessions; I mean emotional involvement as if he were her father. He once picked her up at a restaurant where she had gotten totally drunk. He once helped her pack her things when she broke up with her boyfriend. In return, Jessica prostitutes herself with people like that dirty old man of Salvo for a bottle of vodka she could easily buy… because yes, Paolo has to live with a packet of cigarettes and five francs a day, but Jessica has thirty-five francs a day as pocket money. Just for her to live the beautiful life. She has a guardian too, but it seems to me that there are many inequalities in how guardians treat the people who are under their guardianship. With thirty-five francs a day, the bitch could buy alcohol, cigarettes, clothes, jewelry, and everything she gets men to buy her giving sex in return. Is Doctor Livio completely blind not to see that she is just a manipulative trollop? 

During my next therapy session, I’m not going to say much about myself. I want to speak about Paolo and see how sensitive Doctor Livio is to his situation. I will tell him about the confiscated cigarettes, about the fact that the educators don’t even give him a glass of milk to make a Caotina, about the fact that he is held prisoner against his will in a place where he has no freedom but just duties, and so on. Paolo told me yesterday that he has to pay even for a cup of tea. Fifty cents. For a tea bag. Luckily the hot water is for free. I want to test if Doctor Livio, who does all he can for Jessica, will show the same spirit for Paolo. 

Well, I have no right to compare Paolo to Jessica, some might say. I don’t know many things about both of them. I am taking Paolo’s defense, without even knowing him all too well. I know he was a drug addict, I know he stole money from his mother to buy cocaine but she did not report him to the Police; he has a clean record. I know he loved a prostitute and squandered money to make her expensive gifts. Whatever he did in his life, he never killed anybody, he never raped anybody, he never hurt anybody. He stole money from his mother. He calls himself a rascal all the time, and the fact happened sixteen years ago. The pedophile Doctor Livio defended would’t hesitate a second before raping another child, now. Did Paolo not pay enough for his sin? And Jessica, who has the honor of Doctor Livio’s interest, doesn’t she abuse this help? She makes a fool of him all the time, and if I were not absolutely sure that Doctor Livio is a serious and honest professional I would think that maybe, sometimes, he lands in her bed too. 

I am aware of the seriousness of the things I am writing. If someone who is directly involved should read this, I would like to make clear that my goal is not to insult anybody. In the end, I am just hurt by the whole situation. Hurt because my hero defended a monster and lets a trollop make a fool of him. I respect Doctor Livio, I respect his work, I respect his honesty, I respect his engagement for his patients, he has always been a man of Order, Truth and Justice. I just wish it could always be so. I wish I am wrong with all my doubts. 

Take gentle care of yourselves – live long and prosper everyone.