Heart full of pain, head full of stress

During these days I am attentively following the news about the case of the pedophile who is being defended by Doctor Livio. Well, of course Doctor Livio is not his lawyer but just the one who made a "positive" psychiatrist’s report about him. 

Today I read in the newspaper which are the positions of Doctor Livio on the one hand and of the other psychiatrist, professor at the University of Geneva, on the other hand. The professor, in line with the opinion of the Public Prosecutor, claims that the accused is liable for what he did, and he was very much aware of the wrong he was doing. And now, guys, listen what Doctor Livio said: he said that the accused has an area of feelings and emotions of a teenager and he is therefore victim of his own tribes. He went on stating that he was not able to see he was doing something wrong, and that there is no real danger of recidivism, provided he does not get in touch with young people. Now I ask myself, if the man ever were free to go around in this world, do you really think he would stay away from young people? The first thing he would do would be looking for a nice boy or a nice girl, or, if he is not a total idiot, he would take a plane, and go on holiday in countries well known for their sad "sex-tourism". 

The accused claims that he read many books about Ancient Greeks, where pedophilia was a usual thing which was done every day and was not a shame or a thing to hide. He says that sadly he was born in the wrong era. He is the first one to say that he can’t resist the temptation when he sees a boy or a girl whom he fancies. He admits it himself. So what is Doctor Livio babbling about no danger of recidivism? 

I ask myself many questions about Doctor Livio now. Why did he prostitute his intelligence, his talent, his profession, his integrity to that case? He is a highly regarded man. He is well known in the whole province, he is the kind of person who has a finger in the pie in all important associations which have to do with mental health, I would say he is a powerful man. What is he doing with his power, defending a dirty criminal? A dirty old man who fucked children? Why doesn’t he take care of people like Paolo instead, who really need help and nobody lifts a finger to help? I remember that I already had an almost-argument with Doctor Livio about so called "protected-ateliers". Disabled people can work there, so they have a job and theoretically should have less stress and conditions which are in line with their disability. I am 100% disabled due to my schizophrenia and worked for a couple of months in such an atelier. I got 2,50 francs per hour, I had to work as if I were in a normal factory, and what we produced was sold at exaggerated prices. Being paid 2,50 francs per hour to produce objects (in my case, wooden toys for little children) which get sold at high prices is not in line with the dignity of a human being. I remember that one day one of my bosses, an German idiot, came to me and ordered me to clean his office. He chose the wrong one to be insolent. I told him, "If you dirtied your office, clean it yourself.". And then, I resigned. When I told this to Doctor Livio, he was astonished, but I don’t believe this was the first time he heard of such insolent behaviors by educators or social workers. It is quite always so. Just that I can stick up for myself, because I have the privilege to have money enough not to be dependent on anybody to live. Moreover, being paid such a misery to work hard is humiliating. Doctor Livio said it is not, but I would like to know his fee for the nice psychiatrist’s report he made for that pedophile. Sure more than 2,50 francs per hour. 

Doctor Livio, the man I considered like a father, why does he do what he is doing? For the sake of money? For the sake of glory? I thought he was a man of Order, Truth and Justice. God-fearing. I couldn’t help but talking with my parents about it, and it was maybe a mistake, because my mother sees in Doctor Livio a rival, someone who could take some affection away from her. She said, however, "He is just doing his job.". Well, no. His job is not defending criminals, his job is curing ill people. My mother added that in her opinion Doctor Livio is quite the boaster, a very vain person. He might be a little a conceited person, right. Maybe all this success went to his head. Maybe he became big-headed. I admired him so much. I say admired. I don’t know if it will ever be the same. My parents defend him and try to convince me that he is just doing his job, and I should not lose my trust in him. But I tell you, if that pedophile gets away with murder because of what Doctor Livio said or did, I will never forgive him. 

I’m sick of psychiatry, sick of therapy, sick of society – 

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress

handful of anger, held in my chest – (Linkin Park)