Segura?

I was waiting at a red light
singing loudly with Coldplay
turning up my heat,
when I looked to my right.

I saw a man.
And the man was waiting for the bus
and the bus wasn’t there yet
and so he had to wait in the cold.
From where I sat in my car,
I could see that he was
shaking like a dead leaf in the wind,
clutching his bare hands together,
standing very still,
trying to tense up all his muscles –
to retain warmth,
I guess.
Then the light turned green.
I stared straight ahead
and stopped singing.

I saw a chair on the curb today.
I think it’s funny how the world works nowadays.
Someone could drive by and pick up that chair,
and it would be completely ok.
That’s what the previous owners wanted,
I guess.

I saw a man jogging on the wrong side of the street
(well, it would have been normal in Europe,
I guess).
I imagined that he liked the thrill of
running head-on into traffic,
only to feel them breeze by a few feet away
from his exhausted body.

Sometimes when I think about weddings too much,
I get scared.
People spend so much money on
cakes and flowers and dresses and music and food
and then the two lovers
repeat words from the pastor
and it’s supposed to mean true love,
I guess.
It’s just a sophisticated manner of
joining two people together forever.
Maybe that’s what scares me.

I think people play up New York City too much.
“Anything can happen in New York!”
Really?
Anything?
People seem so antsy to get out of their comfortable places
to go be a grain of sand in that big beach
of lights and buildings and taxis,
of glowing and looming and honking.
But it makes them feel real,
feel important,
feel artistic,
I guess.
I only went to New York City once
and even then it felt fake.

Drinking has almost become an escape for me.
Have I really fallen into that?
I’ll blame fights with my parents
or fights with other people
for my wanting to get drunk one night.
I used to hate people that did that.
Although, sometimes all I really want
is a nice, hot, big mug of espresso.
And that’s better than alcohol,
I guess.
They both make you fat
in the end.

I think too much,
I guess.