Blended family life is hard

So, I had this idea in my head that I’d never date a guy with a kid. I knew it would be a lot of drama and at 24, I wasn’t into playing mommy to anyone. I wanted to have fun, move back to California, pursue acting, and do my thing. And if I ever became a mom or stepmom I’d be like 30. Well, I’m 31 now, have a 5 year old daughter and a 12 year old stepdaughter.

Her mom has been in and out of her life her entire life. She tried to kill my boyfriend on the day they were suppose to be married (they had broken up a couple months prior, and she already had a new boyfriend who she was living with who liked his meth and at the time so did she) Boyfriend is part Italia and part Mexican. He’s always armed in some facet. So, him and his brother went over to pick up her milk (stepdaughter was 8 months old at the time) and he hadn’t seen his daughter since the breakup. She sent boyfriend and his buddies after boyfriend, brother and best friend. Best friend fled. Brother got badly injured (blessing in disguise as they discovered a brain tumor and it saved his life, in the long run) Anyways, he got emergency custody. She’d go on to have a son, try the same shit on him, but he offered 5 grand for her to sign away her rights and not have to hear from her ever again. So, she’d hop from boyfriend to boyfriend to have a roof over her head, and often times not see her daughter for months on end.

When I met him, she was 5 years old. She was kind, helpful and an all around amazing kid. Did everything she was asked. Got attached to me IMMEDIATELY. I am good with kids. I’ve been a preschool teacher since 2008. I loved her instantly. Beautiful little girl. However, she never mentioned a mom to me, nor did Dad or his family, and she started calling me mommy. I felt like maybe it was disrespectful, but I didn’t want to upset her. Then, a couple months into dating BOOM she wants to see her kid. She saw her a couple hours on a sunday, and then disappeared for a couple weeks again. Calls again on a Sunday afternoon wanting to see her. She gets on the phone with her and she’s like, “Umm… I think I’d like to stay home so I can spend time with Michelle.” She. was. LIVID. All of a sudden, she was seeing the kid twice a week, always coming back with toys and fun adventures. Mom is complaining to boyfriend about child support garnishing her wages. “Can I like, get half back from you or something?” I go, “HELL NO!” “IS she listening to our conversation!?” she yells at him. “Damn straight bitch! This is the woman who has taken care of your child for MONTHS and has provided her with food and clothes, love and attention. More than I gather you EVER have!”

Needless to say, we DID NOT get along. She continued to blow off SD on and off, but when she came around, oh my gosh, it was the most amazing thing in the world. She was the most amazing thing to stepdaughter. But, to a degree, I understood. After all, I had a similar relationship with my own father. No matter how much she loved me, she desperately wanted to be loved by her mom.

Fast forward to me getting pregnant and her BM meeting “The love of her life” Insert eye roll here. Well, after I had my daughter things changed. New boyfriend wanted a woman who was actively involved in her kids life. She spun a few tall tales about her son to garner sympathy. Whatever. He’s a bit of an alcoholic like her, BUT even though he seems off to me, she improves as a mother. Slightly. She buys her a cell phone, against our wishes, and she’s on facetime talking to some random 26 year old girl and we’re like WHAT? WHY didn’t you tell us this or put restrictions on her phone?!

Well, she wanted 50/50 custody out of nowhere. She tells me I can say anything I feel like in this meeting. Uh okay. I go “Do you want 50/50 and not pay child support?” “Well, it’s only fair if I have her half the time.” “You do realize sometimes the other parent is still required to pay child support, yes?” ………. “It’s not fair.” “I knew this was about money. Wow.” BM boyfriend takes a step back from me, knowing I’m pissed. She complains about how much school supplies cost. Even though she had bought them ONE YEAR. Keep in mind, SD at this time is in 4th grade. I go, “Yeah, I know, I’ve done it EVERY OTHER YEAR.”

Fast forward to present day. She’s paying the $300 a month ordered. She’s ordered to provide health insurance but openly states, “I never intend on doing that. I’ll just pay for the doctor visit if she needs it.” Boyfriend and her buy a “$220,000 home. Meanwhile, we scrape by, and she doesn’t even want to provide school lunch on her days. Whatever. Then, she hurts her finger really bad the other day, and begs her mom to take her to the doctor. “That’s going to be like 2 grand. I can’t afford that.” One week later. A new car. This woman, I swear to God.

Not only that, but stepdaughter seems to have a lot of resentment towards her sister, which I get. She did have a point in time where she was SHOVING HER DOWN. She’s 7 years older, so it was a significant push, and knew what she was doing. She’s mean to her a lot. My little sister is the same age gap, so I get it. She’s either great with her or the extreme opposite. She’s sugary sweet to their cousin who is 3. I don’t get it.

She’s been disrespectful towards me doing nothing I tell her to. Well, I took her tablet. I grounded her. I did nothing special for her. And Dad backed me up. Yelled at her about her behavior towards her sister, and how when she disrespects me, she disrespects him. It seemed to work slightly. HE tells her how much I’ve willingly done for her and I don’t HAVE to. We aren’t married, and probably never will marry, so it’s not my responsibility.

Loooooooong vent. Lort! Should hit the hay now!