I wish my parents helped me out

Things are so stressful when it comes to school. I dont know how to fill out the freakin FAFSA ad my stepdad refuses to do it, so I keep getting these fucking emails saying I filled it out wrong, or something doesn’t match. It would help if he would do it but he goes "No. I am not helping you at all. You’re 21. you’re an adult. You chose to move to California. You’re living your own life and creating your own life out there."

    Whereas the person I’m living with, her parents do everything for her. They fill everything out for her. And they pay for everything. Things would be so much better if i didn’t have to worry about paying for school, filling out student loan information. And she doesnt have to work. That would be cool if i could make money by some other way than waiting and waiting to get a call from Starbucks or Subway.

    Whilst it all, I’m trying to get into shape, and be ready for auditions soon. And it doesn’t help that I’m stressed out beyond belief. That does not help because stress makes you gain weight not lose weight. So im in this really bad place right now and I cant seem to find a happy place. I cant run home b/c that’s not where I belong, I’ll suffocate

   Course here is where I believe I belong, but I have to build a whole new life for myself, and its really hard doing all of this alone. Establishing things is proving to be quite the task. I haven’t been able to find a job. That makes me feel like an even bigger sponge than I already feel that I am…… and the FAFSA keeps messing up so I’m freakin that they’ll kick me out of classes for not paying yet….

    and i NEED to go to school. I already had to take a semester off to pay things off b/c my parents wont help me with anything. I’ve been on my own a long time, and my parents havent paid for anything since I was 16. That’s when they bought my car (which was only $900 but still very nice)

    I just dont know what to do. I am trying, I really am. And i’ve always been very independent. And I am trying to make heads and tails out of my situations but its proving to be very difficult. I feel like pulling my hair out of my head. My uncle is the only person I can really talk to about everything. Hes like a big brother if anything

     HE tells me I’m strong, independent and I am steadily proving to him that I CAN succeed in this business and that I truly do want this. He tells me to keep strong, and to keep fighting. He told me things could be a lot worse. And if he starts bringing in money for homes he sells, he’s going to help me in the financial area. He’s the only one I can completely count on. and its hard he’s not here

      I AM here ALONE. Yes, I’m living with my best friend that I’ve known since I was 12, but that doesnt matter. We werent friends between 15-18. We lost contact. so yes, it is a little weird…. way weird being here actually. But its all in sacrafice of my dream. I cant ignore this dream. I cant ignore it so much that I left my family to pursue it. My gut and my soul were screaming this is my destiny, and I need to try and fulfill it. This is my path, and I should accept it.

    Yes, this is a long, drawn out entry, but I’m feeling so overwhelmed, I dont know what else I can do!!! My uncle told me one bad piece of advice- and that was to talk to Mel. But she is already constantly asking me if I’m ok every two seconds (to which, is quite annoying) and I know she feels like I might flee at any second. Some things I cant say or she’ll get on the defensive…..

     And yes, when you live with someone you truly see how good friends you are. And we’re still good friends. There are some things that bug me. Like why does she constantly have to pick at her nails? Its this loud sound, and its every second she has to pick at skin (to which was fine until she started picking at the skin by her nails) and then at her nails… or asking me how im doing… or constantly wanting me around.

     other than that, its fine. Perfectly fine. It will be a hell of a lot better once i get my tax refund and when i get a job and school is settled and paid for (by loan or by grant) Yes, if only things would get into place so that the real hard work can settle in (taking my theater class and working on my acting skills, and going to auditions once the final stage of confidence and self esteem is worked out- in the area of my body being totally fit)