Cant be who they want me to be

My grandparents, they think my sister is a god send. She’s 14, just entered highschool and has found guys. They were over exaggerating on her homecoming date possibilites (she went with austin)

    I never went to dances. I went to one sadie dance and both proms. I didn’t care for dances. My grandma hated that
 
    I hardly ever went on dates. I was so deeply depressed, no one could get past my walls. And since I was so quiet and reserved, stuck in my own little world, not many guys tried to tear down the walls. Chris and Adam were the only ones that did. With, Andy slightly getting in there….. anyways, they see me as a failure because I never dated. and I still hardly ever date.
 
   And truly, I’ve never had a serious boyfriend. I don’t let people get close. Especially guys. My checkered past with that arose a whole lot of issues when i was old enough to date. I just didn’t care. And now, I’m trying to find myself, as everyone must do. I’m open to dating now, more than I was before, but nothing serious. My plans and goals dont leave room for a serious boyfriend.

    But I cant help but feel like they feel disappointed and ashamed of me just because of this issue. If this were China, I’d be a worthless servant girl…. Cause they just want me to finish college and get married right away and start popping out babies….. they know its not gonna happen like that, so they retaliate in this way.

     Since they are old, I feel guilty. But its not fair of them to use that against me. It’s not fair to make me feel worthless.

     so, I try and look to my future and the goals to which Mel and I are exceedingly approaching, and remember that although they hurt my feelings a lot, they still love me dearly and I still love them. It’s just hard when everyone in your family looks to you thinking what the hell is wrong with you? Boys should be on your brain 24.7!

      My guy will come into my life when I least expect, and get me. He’ll compliment me, not complete me…. I’m not gonna go on a man hunt…. I’m going on a life hunt, and along the way I’ll come across someone, and I wont have to date a lot of losers to do it…. I just wish I felt more empowered along the way.