living a life.

Why am I where I am?
Why am I sitting behind a desk at a telecommunications job that I have no experience for and could care less about? 
Why do I get so frustrated with the things that don’t matter? 
There is little patience for anything, especially work related, lately.
Why do I think that getting a better job, that pays better, will allow me to reach my goals? 
Why am I even in the States?

I feel like sometimes I get so wrapped up in my life and what is going on that I fail to see the bigger picture of things and what God has in store for me. I know that everybody does it sometimes, or at least feels like they do, but why do we even allow it to happen? 
This was my plan:
-Take my job currently and gain "experience" 
-Find a better paying job
-Pay off my car
-Save my money to move to Colorado
-Find another well paying job
-Continue saving money
-Open my coffee shop with my best friend

Plans once the coffee shop was opened:
-Find a fair trade coffee brand to get us started in our journey
-Pair up with a non-profit organization to help support
-Help said non-profit with starting a working ministry with planting and harvesting coffee beans, to help better stimulate the economy along the bean belt. 
-Share the Love of Christ through one cup of coffee at a time. Not by hitting people over the head with comments like, "Jesus loves you." But through living my life for him, and pure, simple,  conversation.
-Go on missions with whatever non-profit we are joined with, regularly.

But that’s MY plan. How on earth am I supposed to live my life for Him, if I wont even let Him plan it? Sometimes I feel like even having a normal job is a waste of my life. I feel like I should be a nomad traveling the world letting God use me to help whomever, wherever, one person at a time. I know that he will open up opportunities for this, I just can’t be so caught up in this world that I miss them. I’m "only" 22 and I supposedly have lots of life ahead of me, but none of us know when our last breath will be. I’m not afraid of death, rather excited for that moment I get to be in Heaven with my Father, but I am afraid that I will have lived my life for the world, instead of for him.

By the way. If you guys haven’t heard of Kony2012 by now, go look it up. YouTube it. I know that people have been saying some very negative things about Invisible Children, and you are free to have those opinions, but that doesn’t stop this from being a big deal. I learned about Joseph Kony 6 years ago when i was doing research on Uganda for a school project and my heart has hurt for the torture those children have had to go through. Read some articles, do some research, decide if you want to get behind it. 🙂 The cause is just, whether you think the organization is or not. 

Sorry to be so heavy! It’s been weighing on my heart for the past month and of course, that is what this diary is for. 🙂 Hope all is well with you beautiful souls.