. sleeeeeeepy .

I am awfully sleepy tonight. I have been at work exactly 2 hours. 10 1/2 more to go. Will I make it?? My double short egg nog latte isn’t doing a whole lot I fear.

Last night I did so much with these two little peanuts… I weighed them, (about 3 1/3 pounds each – and they are 12 weeks old!), changed their bed linens, gave them baths, changed out their isolettes, started an IV in one of them, advanced a nasoduodenal tube further, primed and hung some IV fluids, reviewed their medical histories, cleaned up their rooms, and prepared them for their opthalmic exams this morning. Damn me for being so freaking efficient! ‘Cause now I have nothing left to do tonight except weigh them and that will take all of two seconds with my next round of hands on care.

I think they have blood draws in the morning so at least that’ll give me a little something to do around 3 AM. I may be wierd but I like poking needles in babies. Not because I like causing them pain, just because I like DOING stuff, especially if it has to do with needles and tubes going into bodies. It requires skill and it’s fascinating!

I need to write an article for my infant massage certification and I keep thinking perhaps I should get on that but it’s so hard to get motivated to do something that requires brain power when you’re so sleepy and it’s nighttime.

If anyone reading this is familiar with my previous diary, here’s a little tidbit… I’ve been exchanging text messages with Eoin in the last couple of weeks. A lot of things changed in my life when I met him, I discovered a lot about myself, sex, bdsm, what I was truly capable of, and what I needed to do for myself. He was the source of an incredible amount of heartbreak but at the same time a valuable catalyst for introspection. I didn’t talk with him for a long time, well over a year. He has chronic persistent migraines and is on daily narcotics. Though he’s actually a lot better now, he still has a migraine pretty much 24/7 but has started smoking pot which has helped him decrease the amount of morphine he has to take quite a bit. He’s finally functional and social again, can eat more normal foods, and has apparently regained his sex drive. (Which he keeps finding necessary to tell me).

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t want to socialize with him. But he is such a strong, type A personality that I met at a very vulnerable time in my life. I called him ‘Sir’ and submitted to him for a good while. It’s not that I’m not into the idea of kinky sex or anything either, I mean, My Love and I are technically open (though we’ve just been waaay into each other for the past couple of years) and I wouldn’t turn down a good flogging.

Except I would if it was from Eoin. The stage of my life in which I was in love with him and he was a great influence on me (both positive and negative) has passed. I am no longer interested in dealing with his drama and type A boldness in such an intimate way. But also as there is that part of me which will always be associated with him, and I do care about him, his health, and his well-being, I’m not going to ignore him. He is a sweet man with a good heart but sometimes is a little overbearing. I wonder how I will go about turning him down when he finally brings it up in person. I’ve asked My Baby to come with me when I meet up with Eoin for lunch sometime just to give me a buffer and a grounding presence. Plus My Love is incredibly good at social interaction. He is also somewhat of an opposite to Eoin. They sort of look alike but that’s where the similarity ends, as Eoin is type A, lofty, loud, domineering, "I’m always right" kind of person, and The Love of My Life is balanced, intentional, present, grounded, psychic type that everyone loves as soon as they meet him.

Which is suiting me muuuuuuch better, thank you very much.

Where’s Chief when you need him? Living too far away, that’s where.

😉

~kate

ps. The computers at work won’t display the font that I want to use in these entries. I hope it’s coming across correctly.