To my sister

Alright, this isn’t going to be the sweetest "letter" ever, but I can’t just sit back and cry on the inside, hold everything in and just try to get by without causing any "rifts" in relationships.  I can’t do it anymore, I deserve to have a voice, and I deserve to be heard.  So, in response to the following that my sister wrote in her OD:

"How am I supposed to feel like an adult when I’m still living at home? When every thing I do, every decision in my life has to be run by somebody in my family first?

 As much as I love and appreciate my family I need to be out on my own. I need to follow my dreams and learn to grow without them. I’ve said before that I was going to start following my heart, but it’s easier said than done.

 I mean for instance, the whole moving thing. I mentioned to my sister, who instead of saying – yes you need to do what you feel is best for you, instantly got worried because she just got a job and if I move she’ll be pissed because she won’t have a babysitter. I understand she needs me, but if this is what I want then I don’t understand why she couldn’t say – I understand, but you need to really think and make a decision so I have time to find another sitter.

 I just wish that somebody in my family could take something I say to heart without thinking about how it will effect them. Besides I wouldn’t be moving any sooner than 6 months from now and if I get sect 8 then it’d be a year form now. I know she probably didn’t mean to come off sounding so selfish, but I hear it over and over from all of them.

 For once I’d like to make a decision on my own and have them support me without making any negative comments. Let me learn from my own damn mistakes instead of trying to do whatever it is they are doing.

 Oy! Just try to understand I am an adult."

Perhaps the statement that I made about you moving seemed to be selfish, but in reality it was far from it.  Am I excited to get a job, yeah, sure.  However, if you take a look at the situation we’re in, you’d realize that the reason I have to get a job is because finances are tight here.  Do you realize that finances are tight in part because of you?  Sure, I know, you live with mom.  But Mom lives IN our house.  We pay the electricity, heat, satellite tv, even the DSL.  All of which you use and enjoy.  If I were selfish, I wouldn’t even consider providing any of these amenities because how does that benefit me?  It doesn’t, it simply makes for more bills, higher bills when there are two additional people living here using the electricity, the heat, etc.  Do I mind, no, I don’t.  You’re my family and I love you, but I certainly don’t feel appreciated by the above statements that you made. 

After I applied for the job and found out what the hours were going to be, I asked you if you’d be interested in babysitting so that I could work.  I didn’t even consider going in for an interview until I knew if you would be helping out.  I say helping out, yet you know as well as I do (because it was discussed) that you would be paid for watching the girls in the mornings for a few hours.  There were other options available to you before I even considered this job, yet this job is the one that I’d need the least amount of childcare for.   I wish that I could just work a few hours a week and not have to worry about finding childcare, I would love to be the one home with the girls full time all the time, but that’s just not going to happen right now. 

As far as being happy for you and telling you that you need to do what’s best for you.  Well that’s a bit hard.  Of course I want you to be happy, you’re my sister and my friend.  But you have to also realize what I’ve seen and see that I’m concerned.  Is it my place to be, not entirely, but when it has the potential to affect me and my family, then there is a cause for me to be concerned.  You think that I’m selfish, but who’s the one that brings you places you need to be?  I don’t mind, not until you turn and say that I’m being selfish. 

The person selfish in this entire ordeal is the man in Vegas that contributed to this entire mess.  He’s selfish because he left your vehicle 1000 miles across the countrry with no care about how you were going to get around while pregnant possibly with his child.  He’s selfish because while we all supported you here financially and emotionally, he never sent a penny to help out.  I know you love him, and I can respect that to a degree.  But please don’t say that I’m selfish because I don’t want you to move across the country to be with him and screw me over with my job.  Maybe that is selfish of me, I don’t know, I really don’t.

Perhaps it’s a bit much, but I hope that you understand me.  I think that you know that I am one of the most UNselfhish people around here.  I do my best everyday of my life to put everyone before me, exactly the reason that people tend to walk all over me often.  To say that I am being selfish, is not only unfair, but hurtful.  I hope that you can look back, see everything that I’ve done for you, reevaluate the situation at hand and just see that it’s simply your turn to give back.  And if it is time that you just need to move, then maybe instead of getting mad when I made the comment I did, you could have suggested other options for childcare.  I’ve certainly researched other alternatives, but I can’t find anything, I’m open to ideas. 

I also hope that you can read this, understand where I’m coming from and know how hard it was to put myself out there like that.  Know that we are family and we have a give and take relationship, and it’s just about your turn to give, and I need you here.  If you and he are meant to be and really want to work things out, he’ll truly understand and do what he needs to do so that you can still be here for those of us that need you to be.  There’s never been a time where I’ve needed you more, as a sister and a friend.