Walking

I am walking forwards,
I am walking backwards,
I am stumbling on the sides,
Life on devides…

It is not that I know not where I am going,
I’m certain of my destination,
It’s not that I don’t know how to get there either,
It just seems though that what I’ve forgotten,
Is how to even walk…

That my eyes are fixed on the destination,
While my feet bring me elsewhere,
And I find that with all my journeying,
I am no closer to getting there.

Have I lost the ability to control my feet?
Lost the ability to walk where I want to walk?
I am at odds with myself…
Knowing where I want to go,
Not being able to go there,
Not because I don’t know where or how,
But because my vehiecle won’t be controlled…

I need to regain that,
The control over my legs,
So that I walk where I need to,
To go where I do want to,
To reach my destination,
Taking the right roads on the way.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
2.25pm 4th August 2006

***

You know how some people can be very self-destructive?
That’s seemingly me.

***

Anyway, if you knew, I had a great ordeal during my exams. Well it wasn’t a great ordeal, except that I lost my mind and messed up because I was sick and I couldn’t get sleep, and I was upset over somethings and enraged over other things, all that together made a really bad mix for the exam period. So I messed up the first exam, and then it made me so angry that I couldn’t focuz for the second exam, and I was ok during the third exam but things were bad already coz I couldn’t focuz on studying before that while I  still did try to study.

So for that first exam which I messed up on, not completing a third of it, I got a C, coz I did relatively well on the assignment for it, gaining more than the 50% I needed to pass. For the second exam though, it was in two parts and since I couldn’t sleep at all and other stuff before the exam, my brain stopped working well and I barely passed one section and failed the other section by about 1 or 2 points. Actually I failed it by 1mark. But the other section I passed by about one or two marks as well coz like I said, my head was already gone from not sleeping and all. So I got an IM which is incomplete for that one.

I was cut off from net access at home, still am actually so I am online from a computer shop. When I saw the IM I emailed my lecturer saying that I have an IM and what make up assignment am I supposed to do to complete it… But I sent her the msg on the Discussion Group and not email coz I couldn’t locate her email. Then the next time I got online from another place, it wouldnt let me access the DG at all so I couldn’t see if she replied but I got an email from another dept at the uni saying that they tried to send me the assignment but it got returned. My mistake, coz I hadn’t updated my details from the Toowoomba address to my Malaysian address so I gave my Msian address and requested that they email the assignment to me as well.

The next time I checked my email I got no word from them, and I’ve only been able to check about once a week coz things were hectic and crazy at home, my sister just left on Wednesday so Thursday I went to check my email and they had emailed the assignment to me on the Friday saying that it’s due next Friday, which is today!

So I emailed the lecturer saying that I just got the assignment and if I could get a short extension of maybe even just one day and explained the situation to her, but I also sent another email saying that I looked at the assignment and think that I can hand it in on time anyhow coz it’s said that it can be sent in either via post or email.

Today I got a reply from her saying that I’m getting no extension, but good thing I got the assignment done last night anyhow so I don’t need an extension from her. She can really be such a bitch at times though so I just emailed her saying "Thank you for your understanding, but I am glad that I managed to get it in on time anyhow." But to say the least I am still pissed. I’ve yet to get the assignment in the post from them actually. So if I had waited for that then she wouldn’t have given me a chance at all. Anyway, I hope that I get at least 9marks coz that’s all that I’ll need to pass that paper and I’ll be happy with that and just focuz on the second half. Putting all that behind me I have two subjects to work on this semester so I guess I have to come check my email more often through the week to make sure I’m uptodate with everything so long as my home connection ain’t set up.

Ah well, life’s like that. I was at fault as well anyhow, but she didn’t have to be such a bitch over it. I still can’t check on everyone’s updates for now coz the time constraint coz I need to get back and catch up on my work really.

Take care and be well everyone!

God bless

Sincerely
The Gal Who’s Not Going Anywhere Fast