Maybe I’m Paranoid

Maybe I’m Paranoid,
That’s why I do things I should avoid,
And instead of making things better,
I find more ways to make a situation suffer.

I need to get away,
From the ones who brings this out in me,
Coz honestly, if I stay,
Quite paranoid, I’ll always be.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
2.09am 25th May 2006

***

I shoulda gone to sleep like an hour or so ago.

***

Breaking News… Honestly, quite possibly, I think my bestpal now knows that I am the one leaving notes on his blog.

He made a recent update on the blog which I also have access too, which I think he did for two reasons:
1) To tell me that he has ALSO been reading HER blog, and he knows that I’ve been doing that.
2) To tell me in a round about manner that he also knows that it’s ME who’s been noting the both of them.

How do I know this? He posted up the very same update which she posted in her blog today. I bet that’s why he wasn’t on YM, or the next time I see him there he’s going to be pretty pissed of at me. The thing is, of everyone he would be the ONLY person who would link the name which I used to sign off on her blog to me. I was really stupid to use that name, but yeah…

In a way I think that these are unconsciouse means I’m trying to use to push him to end our friendship. He knows that I ain’t going to walk, but it’s still continues to be corosive to me, so I’ve been doing these things to make him decide to walk out on me instead. It does make sense now that he’s suddenly changed the blog to Bloggers only. When I saw that I had a feeling that he knew and that’s why he did that. So anyway, I’m gonna get screwed.

You know what though? It could really be for the best. Not could, but would.

I don’t know how to end it, so I’m pushing him to do it. I know I don’t mean that much to him anyway, I don’t even really know why I stay, when there’s so much about it that I can’t live with.

I say we’ve been having great conversations. But the truth is, if I think about the contents of it too much, I honestly just feel like I want to cry. *sigh* I’m too far away from everything I really love and know to let myself think too much about it. It makes me feel as though I’m dying here, coz without my mind being good with me, it’s like dying.

Anyway, I suppose that I’ll know the truth when I see him online next then, unless he has gotten so pissed off that he’s blocked me from his YM. But he hasn’t removed me from his other blog so perhaps that’s not the case. I don’t know really. That’s why I say that maybe I am being Paranoid, but quite truthfully, if the gig is up, I’ll be glad for it.

Take care and be well everyone!

God be with you always…

sincerely,
Worrying and Wondering and Somewhat Hoping