My Little Wisdom

Sometimes I get paranoid,
Coz when alone, I feel a void,
Somewhat boxed in,
And lost within.

Sometimes I take it out on my friends,
And the hurt still remains in the end,
After I’ve gotten over the paranoid rampage,
And all apologies have been made.

But the greatest thing about my pals,
Is the way they take it so swell,
They know me well enough to handle my bad days,
As I know them enough to not be able to walk away.

God gave them to me,
That’s the basic most simplest truth, you see?
How can I through that away?
It would be the direst of my sinning days.

This bit of wisdom I shall offer to you,
"Always hold on to those who keep you true."
They’ll keep you grounded and take you far,
And with them, you’ll always know whom you really are.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
7.10am 14th May 2006

Anyway, that one’s for my best friends too…

Just wanted to say, to those who’ve read other entrees about me being pissed over my best pal and all…

I’m very high strung as a friend actually. Sometimes I demand too much, I push too far and literally get on all their nerves. I tend to push buttons when there’s something I’m after from them, and I push until I get it. They know this. It frustrates the hell out of them. But they stick with me anyway. That’s why they are my best friends and that why I trust them. What they say about me in return, I don’t know, and I wouldn’t really take offence even if it were negative, because the way they’ve been here for me and been here with me, if I give them crap, they have the right to have an honestly crap opinion of me for it. And it would be deserving.

But anyway, I’ve been crappy about my pal, and a couple of people have mentioned it back to me, though not on the blog. I wanna say, it’s mostly me. I get my paranoia, yes, I do, I know that as well, my personal tendencies. And I get all hyper and sensetive and rather bitchy even when things are going wrong and I can’t do anything about it. Some sort of defence mechanism. Over the years I’ve learnt to write about it and post up, instead of just keeping it inside, aside from arguing with them over it of course.

Just understand, when I’m talking about being mad, sad, angry at my friend, it’s biased to my point of view. I try at times not to make the person look like the bad person, but it can comes out that way in the rampage of words that just tumble uncontrollably from my head. In the end, I try to affirm that the person isn’t bad or isn’t really in the wrong if I’ve calmed down by the end of it. If I’m still all churned up, sometimes I don’t, even though I don’t want them to look guilty.

So I’ll tell you right now. My pal was right, I was all paranoid and stalkish, I just hated that I was and was getting mad at ma pal instead. So I went all self-righteous, and I have the gift of words when it comes to making myself seem right at times, even when I’m in the wrong.

Anyhow, we were both at fault for different reasons.

The reason why I’m saying all this is because of everything I said before.

My family, and my best friends, who are, to me, a part of MY FAMILY, are worth fighting for. Even if I have to fight with myself for them at times. And the pal I’ve been going all bogus on over here, that pal’s definately worth the battle to keep even if I’ll get arguements about that from that idiot. And I say idiot in the most loving way possible coz I get called idiot in return in tease instead! 😛

So yeah, that idiot makes me laugh so hard… That idiot changed my life… That idiot helped me learn a heck of a lot about myself. And that idiot was God’s gift to me when I was so severely down that I needed someone to make me see so I would turn my life around.

God’s been kind to bring them to me, consindering that I really have no right to end up that down about life itself, given that I’ve been born into one so fortunate.

A person should NEVER question a gift from God nor reject it, dischard it, or abandon it later just because things may change.

Everything in life changes.

But my love for this idiot, and my family, and all you crazy wonderful people whom I call my best friends (YOU HELL BETTER KNOW WHOM YOU VERY WELL ARE!!!), my love for you will never fade. You are God’s Gifts to me. Each unique and special and deeply treasured. You’ve made me more whole. You’ve enriched my life.

And If I’ve never said thank you… Thank you!

I know I’ve said thank you though! 😛 but I’ll keep saying it from time to time coz you guys got to keep hearing it from me or you’ll not believe me when I go on another crazy, paranoid rampage! 😛

I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND FOR ME!

God bless you all! everyone! 🙂

Luv
Just me