Trying

If I could pretend to be someone else,
Would I really be happy with myself?
There’s so much that I could do or say,
If I only wasn’t myself, wasn’t this way…

But I guess if I wanted someone to like me for me,
Myself is the only person I should really be,
Even if that person didn’t catch your fancy,
Myself may be just for another somebody.

So I’m looking, Yeah, I’m looking, it’s true,
Even though I can hardly stop thinking about you,
Coz in the end, I really just want to be happy,
And find someone who’ll just love me for being me.

I’m tyring to meet new people,
And have a whirl,
And whereever this road goes,
At least I’m being honest, I know.

And I’ll leave you to just be you,
My buddy, boy blue.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
10.53pm 1st May 2006

***

Life looks different when you venture out on your own and be courageous.

***

I had fun in Brisbane really.

The first night I was on my own. Went with Arka, my lil bro from here, coz he works in Bris over the weekends. Maybe I should ask him to set me up with a job as well, but that would mean I couldn’t go for my prayer sessions and that’s really important to me as well, so yeah no weekend job in Brisbane for me. 🙂

So Friday I went down with Arka to Bris. Went to his place where he’s sharing with 4 other guys to leave our bags there before we went to the immigration office for my visa. Caught "The Fastest Indian" after that IT’S A REALLY GREAT MOVIE!

Arka was running late for work coz of that so he left for work and I was wondering what I should do. I had his house keys so I could practically do whatever I wanted actually, and get back thre anytime before 1am when he would be getting off from work.

I went walking around SouthBank, looking at the people, going through the markets. I bought a Unicorn Wall deco thingy and two lil Elephants, coz they were so cute. eheheh 🙂 I shouldn’t buy more stuff. I just wanted deco for my room coz it’s like so unroomey. I love Unicorns, and though it was a lil pricey it’s really beautiful anyway.

Took a ride on the CityCat for about an hour before I got off at North Quay. Then I went into the Casino to gamble 5bucks before deciding that that was enough losing for the night and watched other people lose money instead. 🙂

Then I looked at the time and saw it was almost 11pm, so I thought I was gonna miss the bus/train back. The casino guard told me that the trains ran all night, but the busses stopped at 11.30pm or something. Anyway, I was gonna take the train coz I only knew how to get back to Arka’s place by train anyhow.

Anyway, I was on some street, maybe Adelaide St. And there was a subway there and I was hungry and I thought I’d grab something to eat. But I was looking at the transport schedule first. I went into Subway and they said it was closed, so hungry I came out and looked at the transport schedule again.

These inner walkways in Bris Town, they have like shops on eitherside of the wide walk way. Then in the middle there’s like sitting benches and stuff. So there was this guy sitting on the bench who smiled at me the first time I was looking at the schedule and decided to check out Subway.

So anyway, I went to sit by the bench beside that guy and after a bit decided to ask him if the whatever that was passing through was going to ChinaTown. He said that it was the bus and he didn’t think it was going to China Town, but that the train went there, and the train station wasn’t very far away. So we kept on talking and it was nice talking to the dude really. By the end of it we exchanged numbers, and it was like just before his bus was coming. Then he noticed on the board that it said his bus had already left cos the schedule for the next bus was already up and he said "Hey! Can you give me a minute, I need to check if the bus has gone!" And he was like, "Just a minute ok?" and ran down. I went down as well, but no running hahaha, When I got down there he was talking to the bus driver. Maybe asking the driver if he could wait a min so the dude could tell me that he was leaving. He saw me and was like "hey I really got to go, but I’ll call you!" and I waved the kid off. Nice guy, so perhaps when he’s in Toowoomba sometime he would let me know and I’d have someone to hang out with.

Then I was walking along to Hungry Jack’s coz Samuel, the kid, said that Hungry Jack’s would still be open. And some guy from the side bench a little away called out to me and asked me to go over to him. He was a lil tipsy/drunk. Told me that he was lost, he didn’t know where he came from or where he was going. So anyway, I didn’t know how to help him and I had to get going anywayz. Which I told him. He asked if he could walk with me. So I said ok, coz it was all crowded anyway and there are always copz going up and down so I figured it was harmless…

So Hamish, his name was, walked with me. And we were just talking about rubbish first, and when passing Hungry Jack’s I asked him if he had had dinner and he said that he had. But I told him I hadn’t so I was gonna get some dinner. He insisted on paying for it, so I just bought a burger instead of a meal, which was good anyway.

Then we walked for a bit again until he asked if we could sit for a bit at another bench, which I said ok to, since I really wasn’t in much of a hurry. Anyway, we got on to talking about religion and God, and it was an interesting conversation to say the least. Then I told him that I really did have to go, so he said he’d walk me to the train station.

We had to follow the road signs coz I didn’t really know where exactly the station was, and he was too drunk to remember if he did know either. So anyway, I found a sign that said where the station was, and someone else sorta gave us directions too. And Hamish was saying "I would really like to pay for you to catch a cab home." but I had an all day ticket anyway so I didn’t have to pay for my train back, and insisted I’d take the train. Found the train station, said bye and shook hands with him and I left. 🙂

Then I walked to Arka’s place and said my prayers while doing that coz I was walking alone and the streets were pretty deserted, so I tried to keep to the brighter side most of the times when I could too. I had my burger waiting outside Arka’s place. Then I sent him a msg to find out what time he was getting back. He said he’d be back in 15mins. Yeah it was already 1am haahhaha So I waited outside the building and he was so surprised to see me. He thought that I’d lost his keys or something. HAHAHAHAA 🙂 Went to sleep after having a shower. Arka had no bed, blanket or pillows in the house so I had to use my bag as a pillow and my jacket as a blanket.

Next morning Arka and I went to town again for a movie. I watched "March Of The Penguins" ths time and though it was a documentary it was a really good one. I luv Morgan Freeman. And the scenes were really amazing!

Then we went b

ack to Arka place so I could get my stuff after shopping a lil. I had to find a backpackers to stay at coz his housemates were back and I couldn’t stay at his place for another night, which ended up being a really good thing. hahahaha 🙂

I opted for the second cheapest accomodation coz the cheapest wasn’t available. So I got an 8ppl room, all gals. I met my roomies for the night and they were nice so we decided that we’d all go clubbing together later. Then I went down to read and check my email and stuff. Was talking to a few Irish people who were all drunk and funny. haha Then I went up again to find out what the gals were doing. I went down to the pub with Fiona and Louisa who are from the UK. Rosa and Sabine were already at the pub so we went in looking for them. Couldn’t find them at first, I got myself a drink. Someone offered to get me a drink, but I waited til he went back to his table before getting mine and joining the gals again. We found Rosa a short bit later with two other gals who are from NewCastle. We were all just chatting and drinking. Then Rosa and I got up go to watch people dancing and dancing on the side. So we were pretty much doing that.

While Rosa and I were dancing, she would occasionally play with my hair and things like that. I wonder if she was trying to come on to me actually, but I seriously still don’t know about that. I just know that everytime she put her hands on me she was stroking, either my hair or my back, even while taking pics. hmmmm. She’s cute though, got a really great ass hahahah 🙂

Anyway, so we were going back and forth between sitting down and dancing. Rosa dissapeared without telling me so I had no one to dance with coz the other gals weren’t like her, they said they liked dancing but didn’t dance much and didn’t wanna dance with me, so I had to dance on my own, which was fine when good music was playing. Sometmes the music was bad, but it was far better than they junk they play at the Uni Club.

Men  from time to time were offering to buy me drinks. There were these two Aussie guys who were trying to pick up Fiona and Louisa. Sabine had gone back much earlier because she had a rash and was really tired anyway, and the Aussie gals had gone back too. So it was just the UK chicks and me, and I kept close to them coz I figured that I’d just go back when they do.

Anyway, my stomach was feeling weird so after a while I kept my hands folded while just swaying to the music, and I wasn’t liking the music anyway. Some guy standing with his mates kept looking at me and telling me not to dance with my hands so close by me, and I just smiled but wasn’t into trying to comply though if the music improved I did somewhat dance without my hands all locked.

There was this other guy who kept bumping into me coz he was standing beside me and seems to suddenly always end up lookng at me raising his hands to say "Sorry" for whatever reason. I dunno what he was up to. So I’d just smile anyhow and politely ignore it.

Anyway, we were just sorta dancing side by side, not really dancing with him, coz I didn’t trust the look on his face. Then he went to the John, he offered to buy me a drink before going but I politely declined and he said "Don’t go anywhere.", my roomies went somewhere  too, so I decided to go get myself a drink. I got water for myself coz my tummy was feeling really weird, and it worked on settling it somewhat.

The guy found me again, standing halfway at the back with my water. He came up beside me with his new drink and was trying to dance on the side and saying stuff I don’t know what he was saying really. OH I only really remembered that aside from "Sorry" for whatever the many reasons were he told me "You and your friends there are all really so beautiful!" I did thank him for that.

Anyway, I and he I suppose were watching these two other gals dance. They were sitting on the bunks that was by that wall I was standing at, halfway to the back. And they started dancing together and it was really nice to watch. I love watching people. Through the first half of the night I was watching this chinese gal dancing. She wore a green spegetti stripe flowly top and tight jeans and looked pretty darn sexy and danced even sexier teasing her male mates with it, and yeah it was really entertaining to watch. I luv watching gals who are good at dancing. It’s so damn sexy!

My tummy was feeling much better and the music was getting better too so I started dancing again at the halfway back wall. Then this guy comes out from the left side of the place walking to the drnks counter and he looks at me and says "Hey! She’s smiling! That’s great!" And I dunno who the heck he is, coz it’s the first time I’m noticing this dude, and I’ve been looking at loads of people all night, but if I had seen him earlier I woulda remembered, coz he was cute, like Sting, the singer 🙂 hehehehe So yeah, I was just really hyped when he said that and went away.

Then another song came on which I really liked so I danced up from halfway back to the dance floor. I saw my roomies and was by them dancing and there were just like 5couples on the dance floor, but the music was really good so I joined on the floor anyway.

A bit after that I noticed that the guy who commented about my smile was also on the dance floor dancing alone. He and I were the only ones dancing alone so I decided to dance over and join him there. It’s more fun anyway than being the odd ball dancing alone when everyone else has someone to dance with.

So we were having a load of fun dancing together. He kept complimenting me and asking me to smile all the time, and wouldn’t let me either not smile or frown for even a bit. hahaha It was so funny that I was just laughing and dancing and enjoying the guys company. He kissed my hand and said that I was really sexy and stuff like that. Yeah, you could say I enjoyed the dance partner and his attention, the dude was heck charming.

Then he said he was gonna get a drink and asked if I wanted one. I said no, so he left the floor and I kept dancing on my own. There was this black guy in a wheel chair dancing too, I thought of dancing with him, but didn’t. I thnk coz everytime I wanted to someone would pop over to chat with him. So I figure he wasn’t lonely anyway.

After a couple of songs dancing on my own, I noticed the dude dance partner was back. And I was like "Hey! you’re back!" and I smiled and danced with him again and he was happy. Okay, he too dancing with my back against his chest, but unlike with Ramadan (this Lebenese guy at my UNi)  it didn’t feel icky! In fact I was comfortable dancing with him like that. He knew how to get close and keep his distance at the same time and I really liked that about him. He didn’t try to really put his hands all over me or stuff like that. At one point dancing like that, I think I felt a tickle so I turned my head and his face was really close to mine, and I just smiled and kept dancing, and honestly if the dude tried to kiss me, I probably would have let him. HAHAHAHAH

Anyway, it was at the la

st track now, and my roomie came to me and asked if I wanted to go back coz they were going back. I told her that I’d stay for a little while more and come after that. I just wanted to finish the last dance with him really. So they left and he and I went back to dancing. He was like "Where did everyone else go?" and I said I didn’t know, we were watching some other couple half dancing half making out on the side of the stage by the dance floor. hehehe then we just kept dancing tll the last song ended anyway.

When that was done, we shook hands and I said that I really had to leave. Honestly, I didn’t wanna leave, but I’m still too cautious a person for anything like that. He asked if he could get my phone number "No pressure," and I said sure. He went to get a pen and paper from the counter and we traded numbers before I left.

After that I was thinking that I should have gotten his photograph and had my handphone out typing out an SMS to ask if he was still at the pub and if I could take his pic. But decided not to do that. ahahah

Ah well, after two days of wondering what to do, and getting advice from people, I decided to SMS him even though he hadn’t tried to contact me. It’s only been two days anyway.

And in reply he said that he had loads of fun too and that he thought I was beautiful and asked what I was doing and stuff. So anyway, now I know a lil bit more about him, and he knows a lil bit more about me. Not much though. I told him that I’ll be in Bris again two weeks from now, and if he wanted I wanted to watch the Da Vinci Code, and wondered if he wanted to watch with me or catch up sometime over the weekend I’d be there.

I think that if we both are free, we have a date for two weeks from now. I ain’t gonna sms him again after tonight unless he sends me a msg first, coz heck I already made the first move and all, which is honestly really not like me at all. OKay, okay except with Tbear, which got me into trouble in the first place. I suppose that shoulda taught me not to take too much initiative right? hahaha

Anyway, I’ve got no expectations. Not really anyway, coz heck he’s in Brisbane, and we met at a pub, and he was drunk, and probably like Tbear, he’s a nice drunk. He may not like me at all when sober. hahaha 🙂

Okay, I got to go now.

God bless and be happy!

Sincerely,
Smiling From The Memories