RESPONCE TO Letter From Management

DRESS CODE:
We will all come to work in the buff. While this shows no discrimination of affluence, it will distract everyone in the office till no work gets done, thus you will have to give us all a raise to buy clothes, regardless of our monitary status.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer visit the doctor to gain MC, as it will reflect how truly sick we are, that we are not even able to seek the needed medical attention. Instead we will revert to writing our own letters the next day explaining why we could not leave the house at all, and have it signed by witnesses such as other housemates, neighbours or landlord.

SURGERY:
We will make every attempt to have organs replaced instead of removed to avoid breech of contract.

PERSONAL DAYS AND VACATION DAYS:
In compliance, we shall instead bring our entire families to work everyday during their approved vacation period as to maintain presence at work, and will complete job function with minor disturbance.

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
We suggest hiring someone who can tell us when these dates are in order to make the relevant adjustments and preparations. We are certain that Mediums, Tarot Readers and Phychics know of these events, yet hold on to some un-written law of non-disclosure. We are certain with the right persuasion, it will be disclosed and that will help us organize replacements better.

RESTROOM:
We will on our part bring buckets, wash water and nappy wipes, as to not disrupt the order in which the restroom can be used. Dumping of bucket contents would take less than 3minutes. Company may only have problem with overwhelming odor…

LUNCH BREAK:
We will bring the lunch back to our tables and keep on working so that the schedule is not disrupted nor is our health.

Thank you for our continued employment which we hope to keep in order to serve you better always.
We are most welcomed to renegotiate, as if no negotiations are met, the party on your behalf may face a new challange of restaffing the entire company within 24hours.

Have a nice week.

Your Faithful Employees Rights Group

Yeah, I was just working on my assignment and was reading "Letter From Management" which I’d read before, but anyway my friend put it up on friendster, so I decided that my mind was whack already anyhow, I may as well write a responce. Back to studying now. But here was the Original post to make the above make any sense. 🙂

Have a nice day and God bless!
Slightly Whacked in the Head, But Still Happy

LETTER FROM MANAGEMENT
Message:

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order.

For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go. From 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.

In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Management