If I ever Turn Gay

If I ever turn gay,
You made me this way,
You who’ve known me since a child,
And would call me all kinds of wild,
And say that I liked women,
Even before I knew what the heck that meant…

You who gave me a glimpse of the mind of men,
Especially when it comes to how you see women,
The games you play, your cricky ways,
Ah yes, you certainly shone the light on gays…

I am gay happy,
but not gay lesbian be,
Though sometimes I think it’d suit me,
While I’d be murdered by my daddy…

Yes, we’ve had enough fouls in the family,
And I don’t want to include me,
But yes, if I ever was,
You made me gay,
With your utterly critical, unreasonable ways.

The End
Sky Lark Crow
11.21pm 22nd Feb 2005

***

My aunt made a statement while we were watching TV one day with my dad too that almost made me faint, coz my dad was there when she said it…. My family is a lil quirky if you know them or are in the family… I think the cousins are pretty fine, but the elders… I’ll blame it on the age to be polite… *grins*

We were watching something, that Charlie Steron (She is such a babe!!) movie where she’s working in the mines, sorry I just had a glass of alcohol (pretty nice tasting but I think it was a lil strong) without much for dinner, so it’s sorta gone to my head a bit I think, so I can’t remember stuff as well right now. Anyway, I know I won’t regret this entree, coz I ain’t drunk anyway, never been drunk, never likes the state of even being tipsy coz it makes me hickup and giggle too much and seem utterly dumb blonde even though my wits don’t escape me even then…

So we were watching that movie, and she suddenly said "Lanis! Do you remember when you were younger and thought that you was lesbian?" I didn’t see my dad’s expression, but I bet it wasn’t a pretty one. When Germany declared that Gay marriages was legal he shook his head and stated "The world has gone mad!" Heck, he doesn’t even want me to marry a non Hindu, what more if I ever said that I was interested in women instead!! Yes, I would definately be buried alive! But I was quick, because my statement was true "No, I didn’t think I was lesbian, YOU people thought I was lesbian coz I used to beat up the boys and just hang out with girls, and you didn’t come right out and ask me!" to which she said "Oh…"

Anyway, my family is wonderful like that…. Long before I knew what lesbian meant or even knew that it was even humanly possible for people of the same sex to feel romatic/love and otherwise with each other – one absolutely darling aunty who in some conversation was quizzing me about my social life in a round about manner, decided that I must be lesbian coz I said I only hung out with girls and didn’t like hanging out with boys all that much… Honestly, I never told them that I had any interest in guys because:
1) I wasn’t allowed to date anyway, so I didn’t see the point of bringing up any interest.
2) My dad would blow a gasket if he knew I was interested in anyone in particular coz he would give me the third degree for even smiling at a guy around my own age…
3) I was in an all Girls school so I didn’t really have male friends out of the Org.
4) My cousin’s and their friends to me were sexless… 🙂 HAHAHAHAH
5) I was a tomboy and beat up guys coz my cousins were ruthless tease and that made me sorta wanna beat up all guys…
6) Oh yeah, as a kid the guys in the Org were scared to even talk to me (well most not all), because of who my dad was… Being His daughter pretty much kept any possible interest away.

So yeah, I wasn’t a lesbian, I was an out and out tomboy, who had female friends and saw boys as punching bags… But I was interested in a guy, he was also my punching bag. I punched him for about 2 months before we became the best of friends, and since some of you know him, I ain’t gonna mention names, but if you know me well enough you’ll know whom I’m talking about. I was a kid at that time, around 9 years old.

Anyway, a couple of years back my sis and I were having lunch with another wonderful aunty…. Somehow the conversation turned to their concerns about me… Oh yeah, coz my sis was telling her about how they neglected me after my mom passed away while commecting amongst themselves of what a lose cannon I was becoming… So they saw that I was being problemated, talked about, but never tried to do anything about it, and sis came back to sort shit out. I was never a really good person even at the best of times… As my grandaunty, another true darling, said to me "Your stars say that you’re a scamp…" so yeah, it’s in my stars that I’m a born trouble maker…. *smiles*

So that dear aunty told us that when the family suspected that I was a lesbian, they had a family conference on "What to do about Lanis?" And they couldn’t confirm their suspicions so they decided that they would try to find out from me… Their methods were flawed, they’d ask me round about questions, like I said… Of course I wasn’t dating, I was hardly 12years old at the time… And since my parents almost killed me when I dated at 16, imagine what a hell it would have been if I had dated at 12!! Yes, then my dad would definately say that he only ever had 2 sons and one daughter. Anasu’s the angel really, the rest of us are severely flawed. So anyway, since I said I never dated, and said that I wasn’t interested in any of the guys I knew, and said that I only hung out with girls and the only guys I really hung out with were my cousins – these dear dear wonderfully lovingly lovely relatives of mine decided that "LANIS MUST BE A LESBIAN!!" Oooohhhhhhhh! I’m so glad that they never took that to my dad… He would have skinned me alive before letting me explain myself!

I love my relatives really, but if they had asked me straight out instead of trying to beat around the bush about my social life, I woulda just told em that I liked guys but hadn’t found one to be interested in as yet, and stuck to hanging out with girls because if I ever did otherwise my dad would have beat the living hide out of me….

So anyway, I decided I’d amuse you who read this with this story then… 🙂

Take care and be well all!

I’m actually looking forward to going to Toowoomba Monday, coz then I can join the gym and start my exercise regimn and get into the swing of things at Uni… It makes me feel like I’m getting somewhere when I’m into stuff like that, as stressful as it is.

Oh, I think I missed house… 🙁

Anyway, be happy and God bless!

sincerely
The Self Declaired Asexual

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