264. the texts

 so. i havent slept much. due to this crazy night.

i worked 12 to 4.. then left and went straight to 4friends to visit my old boss and cook. drank. shots. then i left to meet lana and she told me her and her girlfriend broke up and shes infatuated with her boss. cool story bro. i told her what happened with scotty.. then jackie the cook told me to meet her at stockdales west. so i drove there.. and drank more. then jackie bought more shots.

then jackie left. and i texted wellzy (scottys brother) i told him i needed to talk to him.. and he replied.. then i told him i wanted the pistons blanket i made for scotty. (for christmas one year) i had caught wind it was at his house. so itd be an easy grab.

i ended up drinking more. when i got to wellzys i blacked out. i woke up at 330 in the morning. i was wrapped in my pistons blanket.. next to wellzy. i went pee. as im peeing i look through my phone.. and i had texts from dan.. i mustve passed out at like 10pm. wellzy woke up looking for me. and asked if i was okay. i came back in the room with my phone and a text came in that wrote "you think your sweet showin everyone the picture" it was from scotty.

i replied you think youre sweet stabbing me in the back without reason?

i sat down telling wellzy i had to leave.. asked wellzy if he had talked to scotty. and he said yeah right before i came over he talked to him about ufc fights and told him i was coming over to pick up the blanket. i asked if scotty responded and he said no.

but i was still texting him as im asking questions. we started threatening eachother through text.

i didnt understand why he texted me at 330 in the morning. so i talked shit right back. he was sadly losing the arguement. i was hitting hard. then as the threats worsened i told him to be ready cause i was coming there. i stopped at 711 for a slurpee. and drove to his house. i texted him the whole way there and told him to come out.

he refused.

i told him and come out so we can end this and get it over with.

he told me he doesnt want to cause a scene. and i told him im not causing a scene just come out.

he said he will cause a scene and choke the fuck out of me and i need to leave now.

i put my car in park and shut my lights off

i could see him putting on a hoodie. yeah hes mad.

i left my car running. he comes out. and gets in the car. i move the pistons blanket to the backseat. 

he says there im here you happy now?

he then screams does that picture look recent now?! you know how old that picture is?!

hes so scruffy it looks like he hasnt shaved in weeks. surprised he let it get that long. but i didnt cower or hold my tongue i bitched back. she shouldnt have sent me that shit. period. yeah he proved that the picture is old but fuck. now that i see him now. he didnt say shit for a week.

i still bitched. he bitched. i yelled. he yelled. it got quiet. i started feeling nautious from the alcohol. i rested my head on the steering wheel and said i didnt feel good. more nausea kept getting stronger. i had to move so i laid on him hoping it would go away. saying i didnt feel good. i thought i was going to puke.

but he sat there. and told me to go home and sleep.

i asked him why the fuck did he text me at 330am. he told me that he didnt expect a response back and hoped i was sleeping so when i woke i would see it.

we matched up our stories some more.. and i still wasnt feeling good so we went to 711 i refilled my slurpee. and he got a red bull and water. we went back to his house. and argued some more..

he said wellzy left out the part where he told him i was coming over to get the blanket that it broke his heart. but he was being a sarcastic asshole about the blanket. well fuck you its mine. you dont want it? you dont use it. i want it back.

he hugged me. i just sat there. he kissed my cheek and my forehead twice.

he got out of the car at 630am and i drove home. washed the blanket.

wrote this entry.

fuck it.

im confused on how both of us talk so much shit through the phone and scream so hard. threaten so much damage. and when i get there we dont do anything but argue to where were not even arguing we just sit there talking and go to 711 and shit. what the fuck.

im like so pissed off. my blood is still boiling. im just so fucking angry.

i dont understand why my body is reacting this way. im shaking im so nautious and angry. and just clusterfucked. i dont understand this guy. cant you just fucking end it? why drag it out? why the fuck did he text me?

a week goes by. we talk mad amounts of shit. he threatens to choke me. i threaten to fuckin run him over. and we yell.. then we talk. then he tells me to go home and get some sleep. hugs me?

what the fuck is this bullshit!?!?!!?!

i think im so fucking tormented that i just FUCK. i cant even type straight. why arent you choking the fuck out of me?!?!

i dont fucking get it.

just end it. its fucking over. i dont want you anymore.

i dont.

-L