261. no motivation

 im just laying low on using my mouth by talking about my life shit.

i havent felt like writing from start to finish of my daily pull of my back and forth with scotty.

but so far. the sex between us have been fantastic. and continuing. we still talk about moving out.. which is coming soon. with or without him.. im moving out of my parents house.

ive been stressing over what i spend my money on lately. because i havent been blowing money. but i dropped 300 on a new phone.. which not gonna lie is pretty fucking awesome.

but ive noticed how easy i give in to scotty when he needs to borrow money. and i wish that i didnt feel this way.. that hes somewhat being a mooch off me.. plus. I WAS in his shoes.

my dui cost me a total of 2500 while i was unemployed living with my parents.. i had NO income. and he was covering some of me. food hotel rooms cigarettes weed.. it all adds up. i know he shelled out a decent portion when i had a hard time.

since june 2011 when i got my job and was able to complete my dui and actually learn to save money and not live off of pay check to pay check. 

i know hes going through court pretty much the same with me when i was in probation and dealing with the bullshit 25 dollars for a drug test.. 15 dollars for counseling and 150 to the court and a 150 to state of michigan PER month. me i didnt have a job.. and he does..

but hes got kids.. and holidays and COURT fees.

its frustrating. he told me hed have money for me on thursday.. but i seem to just.. keep pulling it back in my mind about all of this money.. my money.. yet.. i technically.. dont have room to talk.

i told myself this was going to be a quick entry.

work is going fine.. i am making money.. even when i do spend a lot.. i usually walk out with the same amount i started with.. 

another thing thats been bugging me is me gaining feelings for my manager. its a huge ordeal in my head that no one knows about.. ill have to write about it.

its a long scenario… but i think after i explain it some of you will crush on him too.. its ridiculous the situation but its still attraction.. did that make sense?

to be honest i havent read my favorites which has been killing me.. i do miss all of you.. i never want to drift away from OD..

but being so busy.. its so to keep up with writing and reading. basically im not doing bad.. and im not doing so well either.. =/

-L