238. divorce
today while i was at work.. my mother told me my parents are getting a divorce.. it was HER choice. tbh i knew it was coming about 2 years ago.. but now that its hit me. i was absolutely crushed. i cried the whole way back on my delivery. i cried in the store.. i cried cutting pizza.. i cried making the pizza.. when becky was asking me if i had any siblings.. i couldnt stop wiping my face. i have no siblings.. its just me.. the OC
my parents got married when my mom was 6 months pregnant with me. theyve been married for 23 years. my mom got pregnant at 19 because she wanted a kid so bad. she held my father down and made me happen. my parents met on my dads birthday.. and partied into my moms birthday. when i was two my parents bought our house that we’ve been living in for over 20 years.
my dad used to be a twig.. now hes an alcoholic. my mom is a workaholic.. who just doesnt want to be married to him anymore.
i guess what hurts the most is that this is reality now.. lawyers are soon going to intervene.. and my parents marriage will be officially over.
i had told scotty over the phone and he immediately said oh no.. tears still well while typing this.
i know no one died.. but something died. and it fucking sucks.
scottys working til 5am.. i made him some food to eat when he got in.. and had dan cover my open to close shift so i can get my head straight.. im just losing ALL motivation at this point.
im blowing my money away. buying bullshit. im starting not to care. im slipping in school.. im constantly bitching about work and the people who dont know what theyre fucking doing when they work.
im turning into a psycho. just one thing after the other.
the only time im happy is when scotty is squeezing me in bed.. fucking me until i get off.. even if it is for 45 minutes.. and constantly making me laugh.
just one kiss on the skin sends chills. were talking about getting an apartment for us.. so no more far away hotel rooms. he told me hed cover the rent if i just fill it up with whatever i please. and of course those ideas are flying through my head. so much thought has gone through me i know im overthinking.. and stressing.. and i know how i am i will get impatient.
ive wanted for so long to live with scotty.. just be sleeping and he walks in and crawls into bed. and vice versa.
moving out of my "in the process of divorcing" parents house.. is now on my mind. i had mentioned to my mom how i was thinking of an apartment.. i just wanna get away from both of them and let them do this on their own.. in no way do i want to be a part of their "splitting".
only time will tell at this point..
im off to bed.. figuring out all of the bullshit i need to do tomorrow.. scottys happy i got it covered so it will be less hassle for the both of us.. and then after our long day of sorting out what we need to do.. we can be lazy.. and set a day to look for places..
i mentioned i wanted to look around.. he told me i can look without him if we have no time.. just let him know which one i like.. and how much and we will go from there.
by myself i can afford an apartment.. and so can he.. so why not right?
my emotions are just flat out exhausted.. i cant wait until he crawls into bed with me tonight.. even if it is 5am.. he told me to go to sleep and when i wake up he will be there =] that makes me feel better.
hopefully i will feel better tomorrow after i accomplish something out of my long "to do" list..
i know my parents divorcing at age 23 aint no big thang. but i feel for it. =/
-L
it’s a big deal. my parents divorced when i was twenty and even though it took some time to settle in, it was really, really difficult. no, no one died, but divorce is like death because nothing will ever be the same. i feel for you. i’m so sorry. don’t minimalize your situation and find people who can relate. it’s not your fault and life is ever-changing. keep moving forward.
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I agree with the above noter. It’s going to be tough,but life is all about change. Just keep moving on and be strong:)
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i’m sorry to hear, my parents are divorced too and i was 13 or 14 when it happened, but i definitely get what you’re going through. it’s extremely difficult and maybe separating yourself from the situation by getting an apartment would be the best thing for you right now. good luck bb<3
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it is a big deal, regardless of age. my parents have been married for 28yrs and anytime my mom talks about wanting to leave (which is often) i get all nerbis and uneasy and im almost 30!! i feel for ya boo. xoxo
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At least they are both alive even though they are no more an item I guess.. My mom died so all I have in this world is my dad who has a new wife and her kids to deal with now. … could be worse is all i’m saying but its sad and there is nothing we can do about stuff outside of our control.
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My parents divorced when I was twelve…which left me to take care of my 3 younger siblings while my mom worked and my dad smoked pot with his buddies. Never fun at any age. You’ll get used to it one day. Good luck
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