204. still doin me

saturday and all day sunday was fucking beautiful. i had so much fun with him. we talked a shit load. about everything. we slept with no clothes on. we made some huge ground rules. and most importantly. were both on the same page.

we had sex. a lot.

i got off 4 times. and once in his mouth.

he never gives me head. but i hinted at it four or five times. i was playing my games on my phone with people.. being loud all into it. he was asking me where the lighter was.. moving around trying to look under me.. as im on my phone he pulls my pants off and starts kissing all over me.

fuckkkkkkkk

when he was done he instantly sat up and asked if i was done.. well no.. i pushed him off.. when i said yeah i could barely move.. it was the third time i got off. in like a few hours.. started to hurt.

he was so good to me though. especially when he started showing me some fucking emotion that he actually gives a fuck.

i told him straight up how my life is changing for the better and i will no longer slip through the cracks with him.

hes proud of me. i told him everything i wanted to happen. MY way. and to my surprise he agreed with me.. he listened to me.

but.. i also told him.. that i have put off school for two years.. he was around when i dropped out.. i dropped out for him. and now im back. i told him the only way he will get rid of rikki is stop and fucking force yourself to just DO it. like i did.

i told him when he left me.. he did me a favor.

i told him when he left me.. he emotionally detached my hope from my soul with him. i no longer believe in hope. i told him i will not hope that he keeps his promises that he constantly makes.

he told me that he is sorry.

this entire conversation we were having.. was not a sad one.. was not a mad one.. just flat out talking. hes not good with words. with feelings.. plus.. the air around us was just.. perfect.

hes happy for me.. im happy.

the best part of the whole entry is that im still doin me.

-L