182. hope and faith
The fuck.
I’m on my cellphone so bear with me. I would write a longer entry.
I’m high again.. not off hardcore drugs.. but the same guy. I’m high. Why is it when these new guys talk to me. Then hurt me so badly.. (mostly talking about mike).. after they hurt me.. scotty is like the fucking angel who’s never hurt me.
That’s how high I get. That I can’t feel any.. damn.. pain next to him. Yet away I’m broken. My mind is broken when he’s away..
But I’m so fucking high. His scent.. he’s stolen me. He knows he has me. Can I blame him? I wouldn’t know what to do with me either.. if I was him.
If I was in his shoes.. if only
I see other guys.. that he knows about.. can I really blame him.
Not trying to defend.. but he’s probably just as addicted as I am.
Fml. Were destroying eachother through love.
-L
I messed up this weekend too. But I caught something in your entry that made me think twice. THe thing about how Scotty has never hurt you. I think the same thing about J sometimes but the truth is, he has hurt me worse than anybody- but he’s always there to catch me when i fall. I black out all the bad but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Sometimes u just gotta think about everything.
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everything i couldnt think to say is right there ^^^
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or if you’re looking at it in your note list and not via the entry, its down there vvv
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You’re destroying each other through addiction. Not love. What you and Scotty have is nowhere near love. Not one bit. And he has hurt you the worst of all the guys you’ve talked about on here. Try to keep your head on straight.
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I never really know what to say, but I am still reading. The problem is, my relationship used to be just like this, sometimes even worse, so it’s hard to tell you that you should “move on” when there IS a possibility that Scotty will change. And dammit, I hope he does. You deserve to be happy & he seems like he COULD be a great guy if he really tried.
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