171. tornado

so this tornado actually has nothing to do with scotty. or rikki for that matter surprise surprise.

im actually a little shocked that of all people who would be there for me.. werent.. and the only one that stood my ground the entire arguement.. blow up.. or fight with my family.. scotty had my back the entire time. i dragged him through damn near everything.

when i left florida my mother, meems (grandma), me and the puppy drove to cincinatti to stop at my pregnant aunts house to drop off crafts and what not for the babyshower. i know some of you asked why my grandmother called me disrespectful in florida when she was 4 glasses of wine deep, maybe five. it was because i didnt take the initiative to help load LUGGAGE on a bike rack. wtf? i burned my meems an audio book on cds. that was 18 cds. 18! and windows media player made me go through an hour of why there was an error burning them. i was pissed. but i DID it no questions asked. it took me about 4 hours to get them all done one by one.

and you know what? i didnt even fuckin bitch about it. i also asked meems if she would cut my hair. i asked her three times. and she kept forgetting after every time i asked. then after she was drunk she said she would do it when she got back to michigan. okay fine. then calls me disrespectful. GTFO.

when we went up to my aunts it was a 13 hour drive. the entire drive scotty and i were texting.. planning out monday. my aunt wanted us to stay til tuesday. but no one really wanted to stay that long because it was another four hours back so i said i had to work. i DID know i didnt have to and i know im in the wrong on that part. but give me a fuckin break no one wanted to stay at my aunts. plus i got the couch anyway. and we were all tired for the thirteen hours. so my aunt was a snot the entire time. i fell asleep on the couch and scotty called me at 730 asking when id be home. i told him around 530.. i got home at four.

i was sick of meems sick of ma. i just spent a week straight i felt like shit. so i acted as if i was going to work. i told my mom if she wanted food to text me.. well i DID go to work only for a few tho to say hi. after i left i went to jrs to drink a beer waiting for scottys call. so right after i order the beer. he calls. he asks where im at and that hes still doing errands for some people.. i told him i was at jrs by myself.. and he said he would call me in a few minutes to see whats going on. the bartender who ive always seen in there finally introduced me and was talking to me a whole lot. making me feel not so alone. then i heard scottys voice behind me. he was on the phone but he greeted me after he hung up.. he ordered a coke. the bartender came back to us and asked me about my pizza stuff.

scotty makes fun of my work and calls it totally 80s. but its called slice of the 80s i always correct him. and smack him. after i finished my beer he wanted me to follow him to drop the van off. so we did.. he got in my car and i made him pump gas ;] but he did make me go in and pay since it was cold. i called wes for some weed and we went over there. i hate going there with scotty because i know it depresses matthew. (if you dont know.. i took matthews virginity. hes two years younger than me) after he slept with me he got a new girlfriend (i was still with scotty of course) and she gave him clamydia but he stayed with her for like a year. and then she broke his heart and is giving him the silent treatment. and every time i vent about scotty hes venting about her. i wish hed be happier.

i wasnt even at wes’ for five minutes. and my mom called. i ignored it. she left a message. i called back. and she was interogating me. she actually called my work. so she knew i wasnt working. i was pissed. so she started accusing me of lying and scheming my way up here when we couldve stayed at jackies because she knew i was with scotty. ugh. so what do they do? they ORDER food. and have me pick it up from work.. and make me pay for it.

i was furious. after we left wes i called and ordered for them.. and we left to pick up the food. i made scotty pay for it. he knew i was upset. i drove to my house walked in with food looking like an idiot. scotty waited in the car. they gave me the silent treatment pretty much. and i just left. then my aunt jenny called.. so i dragged scotty over there.. i knew he was getting tired.. but at least we smoked over it.. and jenny kept asking me what happened with meems and my mom. jenny started to side with my mom and meems and each time she agreed with them i could tell my face was getting red from my blood boiling. and scotty started defending me and then jenny eased up.

after we smoked her weed we dipped the fuck out and we were off to our hotel room. everytime we were in the car i apologized and he told me it was okay. it was weird how i drove around everywhere wasting time we could be spending by ourselves.

we went to the store and went to the room. he paid for most of it. i paid fifteen bucks. he teased me for two hours. he made me so wet.. but he wouldnt fuck me. he was on top of me kissing me everywhere.. touching me everywhere.. telling me how much he missed me.. telling me to stop worrying and that im gonna get it. when he did fuck me he went crazy.. shit talking me. rough with me. he grabbed his belt and wrapped it around my neck. when i was about to pass out i started to cum then he let go.. he fucked me slow.. and he fucked me the hardest hes ever pounded me. when he let me have a break my whole body had the shakes. and i was already swollen. he still kept fuckin me. kept tearing me. talking shit in my ear.

through one of our breaks i decided to tell him a secret ive kept from him. about the threesome with pat and stevie.. since he was asking about our sexual relationships with other people (meaning him and i together with other people) when i told him.. he wasnt mad he assured me of that. but he did say i was in trouble. and always wants me to tell him. it DID happen a year ago. and he knows i stopped fuckin around. ive only fucked him. and he said he wasnt mad and he said he knows i dont believe him.

dont believe him? about what? he said i knew what. and i did.. i just played dumb. because hes right a piece of me DOESNT believe him. but when i do ask him questions that i have proof of i expect him to even lie a little bit. he never does though. so maybe he is telling the truth. maybe he really isnt fucking around on me. maybe rikki is really a psycho bitch. maybe i wouldnt understand because i dont have kids and the list goes on.

i told him i try swallowing it down every time but i spit that shit back up. that shit doesnt go away. its SUNK in my brain. and i apologized for future break downs. but rikki will always pump my adrenaline. and i told him if he doesnt want to deal with that.. then he can leave me and go on separate ways.

i know hes not leaving tho. i know he wouldnt. after our crazy sex capades i went to mcdonalds we ate.. we inhaled that shit we were fuckin hungry. after that it was already almost 3am and he had to leave at 530. i shut off the tv and the lights and layed in my favorite spot.. where his mouth is stuck to my forehead and my ear is right where his heart beats. he still kept talking to me.. asking me cute questions.. when i answered a few he said “thats why i love you so much”

he started talking about how we

first met.. when we first fucked.. when he first found out i told someone i was in love with him. how i was afraid i would scare him off. how i was afraid he didnt like me enough. it was beautiful. when 5am hit our alarms were going off. he was kissing my neck touching me back to sleep.. i told him i didnt want him to leave.. and asked if he was coming back before check out.. and he said probably not.

i slept anyway.. at 9am a knock said housekeeping. i looked out the peep hole and let him in.. he turned the heat on and crawled back in bed with me.. he played with my hair.. told me his phone was shut off.. and he couldnt pay the bill for a few days.. this cracked my heart a bit.. but he said he would call me anyway..

when i got home i was home alone. i missed him already. he was sweet coming back to the bed kissing me. i still get the shakes when i think about him vibrating the fuck out of me.

as i write this there is HUGE tension with my family. and he relieved all of that pain. all of that stress. i dont understand how he can make me feel SO good. i dont fucking get it. his brown eyes melted at me. his kisses were deep. slow.. and tongue twisted.

im still high off him. ugh..

sorry to cut you guys off there but im so exhausted. BIG day tomorrow also since i didnt get any sleep last night.

goodnight everyone. ive had my eye on all of you! =]

-L